Lawmakers are forming a committee to investigate the library menace. Why stop there?
The Legislature has finally adjourned for the year. For a while, it appeared the legislative session would drag on because some House Republicans were upset the Senate would not take up H666 — a bill that would subject librarians to criminal penalties for distributing material in the vague category of obscenity.
The House responded by killing the budget of the Idaho Commission on Libraries, forcing the Legislature to stay in session.
To get the House to relent, the final compromise used a favorite tool of Uncle Joe McCarthy: the investigative commission.
As with last year’s indoctrination task force, which set out to investigate rumors that teachers were employing critical race theory or socialism — ideas so vague and ill-defined that committee members could target anything they wanted to — this year’s committee has received carte blanche to investigate libraries. So we have that to look forward to.
Since such investigative commissions are becoming a yearly theme, here are a few proposals for next year’s witch hunts … er, commissions.
The Task Force to Ban the Internet
Obviously, there are terrible things in libraries — but have lawmakers heard of the internet? As the late Alaska Sen. Ted Stevens explained, it’s a series of tubes. Tubes of filth.
Not only is the internet the main way people get pornography, it is also run by Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg, who rigged the 2020 elections.
Porn and leftism. It’s time for the dirty tubes to go.
The Commission to Determine Efficient Pyre Construction Methods
Some questions are questions of values, such as, “Which books should we burn?”
Others are simply practical: “How can books be burned efficiently?”
And let’s face it, there are a lot of suspect textbooks, dirty library books and internet tubes to be burned, and we don’t want to use up all our wood on wasteful bonfires. Unlike the other committees, where the expertise of lawmakers and their personal friends may suffice, we may want a couple of engineers in this group.
The Committee to Determine the Canonical Version of Christianity
Of course, there remains a problem. Now that the Legislature has taken upon itself the task of determining which things are immoral and legislating them out of existence, we need a very precise definition of morality. So we have to decide which version of Christianity is right.
There are the Amish, who think that the Bible forbids the use of cars, which is highly inconvenient.
The Shakers didn’t believe in procreation under any circumstances. That seems like going a little too far.
On the other hand, the Unitarians are awfully lax. And the Episcopalians have taken a liberal turn — too much Sermon on the Mount stuff — so they’re out.
The Pope gives speeches to the United Nations about ending inequality and protecting the environment, so Catholicism seems kind of Agenda-21-ish.
What’s needed here is a task force to determine exactly what the correct biblical principles are.
The Commission to Find Novel Areas of Law in which to Lose Lawsuits
Idaho has lost a lot of lawsuits in the past decade. But has the Gem State ever violated the Racketeering, Influence and Corrupt Organizations statute? Is it possible for a state to do RICO? A task force could ask this and other important questions.
Idaho has recently violated a number of constitutional amendments, especially the 14th, but there are so many.
What about Third Amendment violations? To my knowledge, Idaho has yet to try quartering troops in civilian homes. Actually, I haven’t heard of any state doing it, so there is new ground to be broken.
On further research, it seems that the U.S. Supreme Court has never relied on the Third Amendment in a single ruling.
Idaho could be first.
We could be legends.