Dear Boise ‘Idiots’: Welcome. Here’s how to enjoy our lovely snow without being a tool.

As snow pounded our vehicle in the Bogus Basin parking lot on Sunday, my young sons learned an educational new game.

We called it Idiot. All it requires is winter weather. And Idahoans.

Our game was spontaneously invented. My boys’ beloved Uncle Andy had just scrambled to throw his Land Cruiser into reverse, avoiding a pickup trying to back through our radiator during a three-point turn. After our heartbeats normalized, he pointed a finger at another nifty driver — a tire-spinning sedan that was paralyzing traffic.

“Idiot!” proclaimed Uncle Andy, emphasizing the first syllable for comedic effect.

Soon, all six of us were playing. This was fun! What better way to pass the time during the hour-plus slog back to Boise?

“Idiot!” we snickered at a minivan that had backed up cars from the resort’s entrance all the way to Stack Rock Trailhead. (Well, almost.) It was waiting for a parking spot to open on Bogus Basin Road.

“Idiot!” we groaned at an abandoned SUV with North Dakota plates. It was buried in an embankment halfway down the mountain.

“Idiot!” we decided after returning to Boise and hearing that friendly folk had ripped down Parks and Recreation fencing to create more sledding terrain at Camel’s Back Park.

“Idiot!” I’m muttering this very moment, remembering Bogus skiers “reserving” seats in the jam-packed lodge by leaving bags on tables.

Idiots are everywhere in ’Murica. We all see it.

But are you one of them?

Whether you’re a newcomer or a native, a snowboarder or a sledder, here are a few Idaho recreation tips.

After all, a winter tool should be a shovel, not a person.

▪ Leave your “ill-equipped vehicle” in the driveway.

For the love of all that is holy, Idaho. If it’s snowing or icy — particularly if you’re driving to Bogus — you need to travel in a four-wheel drive, or a dependable two-wheeler with snow tires or chains.

Slide-offs were everywhere on Bogus Basin Road this weekend. Not to mention a few fender benders.

Crawling up to Bogus, we were slowed because of a flailing silver coupe that had slid into oncoming traffic. Zero traction. Cops in SUVs stopped cars trying to descend while helping the driver out of his predicament.

Bogus Basin general manager Brad Wilson thinks Boiseans were simply unprepared for winter driving.

“And there’s a 3,500-foot elevation gain in the 16 miles getting up here,” he adds with a chuckle. “So the road’s gonna be uphill! And it’s gonna be snowing! We just surpassed 48 inches of snow out of this snow cycle.

“You can’t come up with your two-wheel car, and you can’t come up in your all-wheel-drive car if your tires are bald,” Wilson says. “It’s common sense. But common sense is not all that common.”

▪ Dude! Use your head!

My wife pointed out that the coupe driver was typical of the Idiot species we observed repeatedly: 1) Anyone in a two-wheel drive; 2) Usually alone; 3) Usually male.

Usually male? Sorry, guys. I can’t argue.

To our gender’s credit, Uncle Andy did witness a female driver dangerously attempting a U-turn on an S-curve halfway up Bogus Basin Road on Saturday — yep, in the middle of busy traffic.

At least she was smart enough to realize that continuing upward was a bad idea, right? Things could have ended tragically.

“In all honesty, if you look at the cars that are off the road, the vast majority are not equipped for winter driving,” Wilson says.

But speed is also a major part of the equation.

“Nobody goes off the road unless they’re going too fast,” he says. “Just drive the speed that’s safe and don’t be in a hurry. The difference is not huge between driving slow and driving recklessly, and the consequences are significant.”

▪ Follow the updates from Bogus.

First big snowstorm of the year? Powder day? Unsurprisingly, the Bogus Basin parking lots were full by 11 a.m. Saturday and by 10:45 a.m. Sunday. (The new carpool rule in the lower lot is terrific for families, by the way.)

Bogus updated its website and Facebook page. Signs were posted before and after the stop sign at the intersection of Bogus Basin Road and Curling Drive. A Bogus Basin vehicle even drove on the road with a sign on its front bumper indicating that parking areas were full.

Still, Boiseans kept cruising up. Here’s the thing: If you listened to Bogus, you probably found a parking place. People were advised to come at 1 p.m., after the first wave of skiers left.

The ski area also posted reasons why it reportedly took as long as two freakin’ hours to traverse 16 miles: “The congestion that we have been experiencing is due to several factors including: • Many guests wanting to use the mountain all at once • Stoplight and stop sign congestion • Snowing road conditions • Ill-equipped drivers • Spinouts • Idiots.”

OK, I added that last word.

▪ Stop trying to “reserve” seats in the ski lodge.

Come on, kids. Join me in shouting: “There is no reserving tables at Bogus Basin!”

That’s the etiquette. Period. Don’t be an Idiot. Stop piling your stinky socks on the table before heading outside to ski or snowboard, pretending you own the table.

“That’s not kosher,” Wilson says.

Anticipating a lack of seating, Wilson and Bogus staffers sometimes go around placing people’s bags underneath the tables.

“We’ve tried everything,” he says. “Tabletop signs, stickers on the tables. Nobody pays any attention to them.”

It’s perfectly fine to stash your gear under a table, Wilson says. But don’t act offended if someone is sitting there drinking beer when you return.

Early Sunday on the third floor of the upper lodge, nearly every table had been “claimed” by bags. Within an hour or two, the entire place was a complete zoo.

When we gave up our spot to an anxious party, one of the men complained that someone had “stolen” his table.

No, bro. Doesn’t work that way.

▪ Respect Boise — unless you want it ruined.

Let’s visit Camel’s Back Park, too.

On Sunday, sledders — or parents of sledders — removed barriers installed last fall after the city reseeded the area with native plants. Parks and Rec had to go reinstall the orange construction fencing.

It’s not clear how much damage might have occurred. Spokeswoman Bonnie Shelton was diplomatic when speaking to the Statesman about it.

“We’re not here to call anybody out,” she said. “We don’t think it was malicious. People just wanted to have fun.”

It’s a longstanding North End tradition to sled at Camel’s Back. And there’s lots of room to do it. But destroying someone else’s work or property?

In my mind, that makes you an “Idiot.”

Not everyone agrees. Want proof? Go read the 183 comments on “The Northend” Facebook group’s page. Apparently, a little erosion never hurt Camel’s Back before, ya snowflakes. (Speaking of snowflakes, were there even enough of them Sunday to sled without grinding dirt?)

In the end, what are we gonna do? Welcome to Boise in 2020.

At least we get to play the entertaining “Idiot” game nowadays.

Even Wilson has to smile.

“I have a friend who grew up near Camel’s Back Park,” Wilson says. “He used to drive his VW up that. They used to see how far they could get. Up the front!

“Probably no beers involved in that at all?” he wonders aloud, laughing. “Times have changed.”

This story was originally published January 14, 2020 at 5:18 PM.