When Half-Pint Brawlers: A Night of Midget Wrestling invaded Boise twice in 2008, I wrote that the show had “scampered” into our city.
I shall refrain from such snicker-laced language now, 11 politically corrected years later.
It’s gonna be a tall order, though.
Because this isn’t just run-of-the-mill “midget wrestling” returning to Boise. It’s Extreme Midget Wrestling (the official name of the tour). The show is scheduled for the Mardi Gras Ballroom, 615 S. 9th St., at 7 p.m. Saturday, July 13.
Extreme Midget Wrestling promises “full tilt ... midget mayhem.” The tour hypes itself as “midgets vs. dwarfs in an all-out pro wrestling war.”
“Extreme Midget Wrestling will shock and delight you,” the propaganda promises.
Will the show measure up? No idea, Boise, but better get used to it. Idaho is about to become an Extreme Midget Wrestling mecca, with six scheduled stops in the Gem State. (Apparently, we Idahoans are viewed as prime customers.) Along with Boise, the tour is slated to invade Shooter’s Tavern in American Falls on July 11, Blue Moon Bar and Grill in Lava Hot Springs on July 12, Marilyn’s Bar in Twin Falls on July 17, Bedroom Goldmine Bar in Murray on July 19, and Rants & Raves Brewery Taphouse in Riggins on July 20.
How many wrestlers will tangle in Boise on that glorious Saturday night? Curious about specifics, I emailed the company behind the tour.
No response. Actually, I’m OK with being short on details. Imagining a night of Extreme Midget Wrestling probably is better than knowing how ridiculous it actually will be. That said, certain kids and adults undoubtedly will be thrilled by the spectacle of 4-foot dudes doing flips and smashing each other with folding chairs. The Boise show will be an all-ages event. Tickets are available now for $20 to $50. (The VIP price even includes a “selfie with the midgets.”)
There’s no reason to think these performers won’t be fun and friendly. According to a Facebook review, anyone can get a photo taken with a wrestler for $5.
But the real show might come afterward. In 2008, when Half-Pint Brawlers rolled into The Big Easy (now called Knitting Factory), the party was backstage. Spearmint Rhino dancers hung out with the wrestlers.
When it comes to little-people entertainment, this city has history. Boise-born Bridget the Midget, who became a porn star, returned in 2006 to dance at a now-defunct topless club on State Street called Night Moves.
In a phone call prior to her two-night homecoming, Bridget (real name Bridget Powers) told me that she didn’t mind if people laughed at her “very burlesque” stripping act. “I know I’m pretty,” she said. “I look good! ... You get tired of seeing naked girls, so it’s something different. (It’s like), ‘This is cool. I’ve seen about 50 naked girls and one hot naked midget!’ “
That said, her 3-foot-10 height created challenges that other adult entertainers do not face. “For me, lap dancing is like climbing a mountain,” Bridget the Midget said.
Ultimately, that perspective makes Extreme Midget Wrestlers that much more extreme for climbing the ropes.