Big Brothers Big Sisters of Southwest Idaho is looking for mentors, especially men
Big Brothers Big Sisters volunteer Oliver Maron recalled hanging out with his “little,” Cordell Hayle, at Dave and Buster’s during one of their visits together, just walking from one video game to another.
“And he just reached out and grabbed my hand,” Maron said. “I don’t have kids, so I don’t spend a lot of time with the young fellas. For me, I get attached to people really quickly, but I remember when I was a kid, that’s a process that took a lot of time, so it was really meaningful for me that these feelings that I have for this little dude were reciprocated. And so that was really cool for me.”
It’s clear Maron, 43, and Cordell, 11, have a good chemistry as they share stories, jokes and side-eye glances. Maron is quick to laugh, like a little kid himself, and he can’t say enough good things about Cordell.
“Part of me feels like I get more out of it than Cordell does,” Maron said. “There’s an energy around young people that when you start getting older, the world gets heavy. And one of the things I love about Cordell is he’s pretty light about things.”
Maron and Cordell got matched up in the summer of 2019. They’re among about 300 matches who are part of the youth mentoring organization Big Brothers Big Sisters of Southwest Idaho.
Unfortunately, at any given time, there’s a waitlist of 40-60 kids, ages 6-14, waiting to be paired with a “big,” according to Emily Johnson, CEO of Big Brothers Big Sisters of Southwest Idaho.
In particular, Big Brothers Big Sisters is looking for a few good men.
“Little brothers historically tend to wait longer because we tend to have fewer male volunteers coming through our system,” Johnson said. “So we’re always really trying to get the word out. We need all bigs — big sisters, big brothers — but we tend to have more little brothers signing up for the program and tend to have fewer males signing up. So that discrepancy means that our little brothers on the waitlist have to wait almost twice as long as the little sisters.”
So let’s step up, men.
Benefits to both
Watching Cordell and Maron interact, the benefits are obvious — for both of them. I met up with Cordell and Maron for an interview recently at the Big Brothers Big Sisters headquarters near Boise Towne Square.
What does Cordell like best about Maron? His sense of humor and that he keeps their meetings fun.
“If you don’t want to talk about something, you don’t have to talk about it,” Cordell said. “And that’s what I like about it. It’s like if I don’t want to really talk about it, if I got this figured out and I just want to have a good time, then Oliver makes sure we just have a good time.”
Johnson said the benefits of relationships like Maron and Cordell’s are many.
“It’s really amazing to me the outcomes that come from having a caring, consistent, engaged adult there,” Johnson said. “It just runs the gamut of positive outcomes for the kids. All because of having that big around.”
Johnson said one little boy asked her one day whether their big was being paid to spend time with him. The boy was surprised and overjoyed to learn that their big was a volunteer and was there just for him.
Parents, teachers, counselors, siblings and most other adults in a child’s life are there, really, out of some form of obligation.
“But the big is there because they want to be there,” Johnson said. “They are choosing to show up for their kid because they like the kids, they value them, they see potential in them and they want to spend time with them. And that is powerful.”
Mentor and role model
That’s something Ryan Smallin, Cordell’s uncle, said is valuable about the program.
“Just knowing that he does have someone outside of his immediate group that he can talk to in confidence, even if it’s just to express his frustration and work through some stuff, and then come back with a different outlook on things,” Smallin said. “The other piece to it is just that role modeling that they get from having someone outside of even their just immediate sphere. It gives them that other avenue to look at somebody and say, you know what, maybe I can be more like that. I can make other choices. They may not sit down and have those conversations, but it’s modeled.”
Cordell and Maron typically meet every other Saturday, sometimes more, sometimes for an hour at a time, sometimes longer. They go to Dave and Buster’s or go out to eat. They’ve been swimming, where Cordell got to meet Maron’s wife. By now, Maron knows what Cordell is going to order before he orders it, and he knows that if they put whipped cream on his hot cocoa, Cordell’s not going to drink it.
Johnson said the organization asks for at least a 12-month commitment from volunteers, and the average match length at the Southwest Idaho office is just over three years. Some relationships have lasted 12 years or more.
“They’re truly family at that point,” Johnson said. “I mean, after that long, going from being a kid to junior high, in the teen years to graduating and on to whatever’s happening after high school, you’re pretty connected at that point.”
How to volunteer
Johnson said volunteers come from all walks of life and all ages, including high schoolers, college students, young adults, parents with families of their own, “empty nesters are a gold mine,” all the way up to seniors. The big brother of the year three years ago was 84.
Sometimes, they’ll match a big sister with a little brother. They also will match “big couples” with littles.
“As life is starting to move forward, even with COVID, we just have a lot of need in the community right now,” Johnson said. “Because it’s been a pretty traumatic couple of years for all of us. But for some of our more vulnerable families and kids, it’s been extremely difficult. So we really want to get those kids matched and start that healing.”
Maron, a commercial real estate broker, said the time commitment is sometimes three hours a month, sometimes 10 hours a month, depending on what activities they have planned.
“I mean, everybody can find time for this,” Maron said. “And nobody who gets involved in this — I guarantee it — will regret it. I guarantee it.”
If you’re interested in volunteering, call Big Brothers Big Sisters of Southwest Idaho at 208-377-2552 or learn more about the program at bbbsidaho.org. While you’re there, check out some of the videos of individual stories. I challenge you to watch those videos and not get a little choked up.
“I definitely think there are a lot of men out there that could really benefit from this and a lot of young men who could really benefit from some male mentors,” Maron said.
Not only does Cordell recommend it, but he plans to be a big brother himself some day.
“If my life goes how I want it to, I would really consider joining the Big Brothers Big Sisters program,” Cordell said. “Because, like Oliver said, he gets a lot out of it. So when I’m older, I’d probably get a lot of it and just help kids, help people. I’m fine if they don’t really want to talk about things. We can just go have some fun for a little bit, get their mind off the topic.”
