A good business and life lesson: Don’t go to the dark side when you’re in the spotlight

Years ago, I presented a research paper at an academic conference in Singapore. My session was in a room with maybe 100 chairs — not that all of the chairs had people in them, but enough to intimidate me.

Now, I’m sure no other profession has people with big egos (just kidding), but in the academic world, many people think they are hot shots when no one outside the field would know or care who they are. And at that conference, on that day, several Big Names were in the room. I wanted my performance to be perfect.

I gave my presentation, muscled my way through questions and answers, and sank into a seat, completely spent from being so nervous. I stretched out my legs and noticed, to my enormous horror and humiliation, that I had on one black and one navy shoe. I felt like an idiot and was certain everyone had been whispering about the fashion disaster that had just occurred. I’d be the talk of the conference, and not for the right reasons.

I shouldn’t have given it a thought.

An article in Inc. magazine by Jeff Haden reports on research that would have told me no one noticed and no one cared. The research says we suffer from the “spotlight effect.”

Essentially, we put a spotlight on ourselves and assume everyone else sees our mistakes, just like we do. But, in face, more often others do not even notice us. That I remember my shoe foible from decades ago says it all — I was mortified but probably no one else saw it or cared.

As Haden reported, “No one cares more than you do.”

We chastise ourselves when our performance might be “off,” but most others do not see it. We reprimand ourselves when we say something stupid, but it’s likely that others in the room didn’t even pick up on it.

The lesson: We shouldn’t beat ourselves up so much.

But the research also says that those close to us will pick up on something that is “off,” and we should care about what they think. So listen to those who know you best and don’t fret about the others.

And to think I let those conference folks so long ago take up so much brain space. Never again.