He won the lottery, so he changed his life. What happened next is a lesson for us

I sometimes feel like we’re living in a petri dish. We are subjects in an unasked-for experiment, learning new ways of acting with each other, having lost control over much in our worlds.

We are trying to stay healthy, sane, and kind amid the coronavirus pandemic. If we are fortunate to be able to stay home, to have enough to eat, and to be bringing in a paycheck, we may also be doing more reflection than we normally do.

And perhaps we are asking questions we’ve never asked ourselves. Some of those questions might raise uncomfortable topics, like: How much togetherness is too much? How can we overcome a feeling of helplessness when we watch the news? Or, if we become lonely, what impact might that have on our health?

Many people are beginning to write and talk about that last question, including Vivek Murthy, a former U.S. surgeon general, in his new book, “Together: The Healing Power of Human Connection in a Sometimes Lonely World” (Harper Wave, 2020).

Murthy reminds us that in the past, doctors did not study the softer side of humans, and yet the research he found suggestes that loneliness might in fact influence physical health.

He describes a lottery winner who began to reorganize his life to fit his new circumstances. In the process, the man lost close ties with his longstanding community of friends and family, and his physical health declined dramatically.

Indeed, when Murthy began to investigate some patients’ stories a bit more, he realized they were facing debilitating loneliness, although they rarely said it outright.

Some talked about feeling they had to carry burdens (family, work) all alone. Or, they felt they could disappear and no one would notice. Once he looked into the research, he found that some 22% of Americans suffer loneliness and that its consequences could be major.

As our society became more individualistic, did we lose the connections and community that provided physical safety (in the days of hunting), but also social and mental safety? There’s a sense of shifting from being “we” to “me” focused. Maybe it’s time to let the pendulum swing back.

Nancy Napier is a Boise State University distinguished professor. mailto:nnapier@boisestate.edu