Idaho faith: We all have a part to play to stop bullying in schools, other settings

I recently watched a news story about children being bullied in school and in society in general. Were you ever bullied at school?

I remember my first day of school in the early fall of 1968. My family had just moved from a small town to a suburb of the capital. I was short, skinny and easy prey for older kids. I vaguely remember my encounter with a bigger kid who wanted to bully me for some reason, like taking my lunch money. I just remember that I was ready to go to the mat with him. When he realized that I was not going to submit easily, he backed down and left me alone.

Looking back at this event, I realized that there were other ways to deal with this bully. I could have reported him to the school’s principal, but it would have made the situation worse for me as someone who could not fight back. Worse, it would have made me look weak and I would have been ostracized by the other kids. Moving forward, I learned quickly that I would be safer if I made new friends who would stand up for me, and vice-versa.

I cannot help but empathize with today’s children, who are the subject of bullying at their schools. I know many adults who still have emotional scars because of relentless bullying from their school years. These traumatic experiences can lead to withdrawal, depression, low self-worth and even suicide. In 2020, our state sadly ranked in the top five for suicide death rates.

In this coming year, I hope that our elected officials will investigate and devise ways of addressing the root causes of these tragic statistics. In this column, I will remind kids of the Five D’s of bystander intervention when you see someone being bullied or harassed: distract, delegate, document, delay and direct. These strategies can help protect vulnerable victims and set up positive role models in our communities.

▪ Distraction is an indirect approach to intervening in a harassment situation. You can take attention away from the harassment by distracting the victim. For example, you can ask innocuous questions. During this exchange, do not acknowledge the person who is harassing. You should stay with the person being harassed until you are confident of their safety.

Alternately, you can cause a distraction to draw the attention of the perpetrator away from the victim and allow them to get away or seek help. Please remember to not put yourself at risk when using this tactic.

▪ Delegating is another strategy that involves seeking help. If you witness bullying, this approach includes telling a coach, teacher or trusted adult about the incident. If the victim is an adult, they should seek help from other friends, professors or other bystanders who are able to help.

▪ Documenting the harassment can help the victim if they choose to pursue consequences for the perpetrator. You should write down the details of the incident while they are still fresh in your mind. If someone else is already intervening, you should record the interaction on your cellphone if possible.

▪ Delaying involves ways of de-escalating the situation, and then taking charge and delegating tasks to those around you. Be firm and tell them to do it. Do not ask them if they will. These tasks might include the use of other 5D strategies, like staying with the victim during the confrontation, calling the authorities or medical help, causing a distraction and recording the incident.

After the incident is over, offer to walk the victim to their car or another safe place. Ask them what they need and help them report the incident if asked.

▪ Direct strategy involves confronting the person who is harassing someone. Please remember to keep it short when you call out their behavior. Debating or arguing with the perpetrator could lead to escalation.

Before resorting to this strategy, consider if everyone involved, including yourself, is physically safe. Evaluate first whether the situation is likely to escalate or the victim seems like they want help.

The consequences of unchecked bullying of kids at school can have lifelong repercussions. We can teach our children how to intervene in a bullying or harassment situation so that they can stand up for themselves or for others who are being bullied.

Our kids deserve to be safe, especially in schools. Please talk to your children and learn to recognize signs that your kids are being harassed at school. If it is your children doing the bullying, then you should investigate where they learned this type of behavior.

There are many resources and programs available, including counseling, therapy, anger management, etc. We all have a part to play when it comes to breaking the violent cycle of bullying.