Our faith should help us quell contention, respect others and be kind. We all benefit

None of us gets through life without a certain amount of stress. Whether it manifests in frustration, anger or incivility, it can affect us physically, mentally and emotionally. It may also affect our relationships at home and in the community.

The emotions associated with stress may arise from misunderstandings, bullying or differences of opinion, all of which are forms of contention.

Contention is nothing new. The world is filled with discord, strife and conflict.

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, an apostle in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, has likened the conflict and contention we face today to a kind of Third World War that is not a battle to crush enemies, but enlistment of “the children of God to care more about each other and to help heal the wounds we find in a conflicted world.”

In the Book of Mormon, after chastising his followers over disputations that have arisen regarding the proper manner of baptism and points of doctrine, Christ warns:

“For verily, verily I say unto you, he that hath the spirit of contention is not of me, but is of the devil, who is the father of contention, and he stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with anger, one with another.

“Behold, this is not my doctrine, to stir up the hearts of men with anger, one against another; but this is my doctrine, that such things should be done away.” 3 Nephi 11:29-30

In the keynote address at Utah Valley University’s commencement in May, Wendy Nelson, wife of Russell M. Nelson, president of the LDS Church, spoke about the harmful effects of contention in our lives and society. Wendy Nelson, a psychologist, has been a professor of marriage and family therapy for 25 years.

“From my teaching, clinical practice and clinical research,” she said, “I can tell you that contention is lethal. It can ruin your physical health, ravage your relationships and play havoc with your productivity, creativity and stamina. And that’s just for starters.”

Always having to be right, telling others that they are wrong and must change what they believe, or insisting that they must act, think or vote as we do leads to contention.

History is full of examples of the conflict and strife that have resulted from the inability to accept alternative points of view.

“Contention,” Sister Nelson warns, “wounds our souls — and our cells — the very cells in our bodies. Have you ever had a conversation that gave you a headache or a stomach ache? And conversely, have you ever felt invigorated, even healthier at the end of a conversation?”

Listening to others, learning about others and valuing other perspectives leads to a culture in which contention decreases.

Nelson advised the graduates that “[I]f you want to have a wonderful life ... remove contention from your mind and heart, from your conversations and relationships, from your home and from your workplace.”

That doesn’t mean we can’t have different ideas or opinions. It does mean, however, that we need to find ways to discuss and share ideas respectfully — and perhaps agree to differ.

Is it possible to eliminate contention? The recent political campaigns, overblown rhetoric on social media on virtually any and every topic, and widespread intolerance of different opinions makes one wonder. But even if we can eliminate contention only within our homes and workplaces, we improve relationships and make life better for all of us. And it is one step toward making our world a kinder, happier place.

We can start with respecting others and accepting differences in customs, beliefs and behaviors. We can think before we speak and avoid harsh or unkind words. We can take the opportunity to encourage others and recognize their achievements.

As the words of a favorite hymn exhort, “Let us oft speak kind words to each other, at home or where e’er we may be. ... Kind words are sweet tones of the heart.”