Adapted from a recent online discussion.
Dear Carolyn: I have been with my boyfriend for four years. We have lived together for one. I am 9 years older and he comes from a very traditional part of the world.
We are trying to get pregnant but the thought of scientific intervention puts him off. I have tried to explain the longer we wait the harder it will be, but he thinks if we keep trying it will happen. I am afraid that if it doesn’t we will end because he does want children and I won’t be able to have them.
How do I get him to face the age difference and go to the doctor? He says he will, but weeks go by. I know he hates doctors for any occasion but I am at the end of my rope.
So, what’s it going to be like raising a child with someone who is from a very traditional part of the world and is put off by scientific intervention and will leave you if you’re infertile and chooses to deal with unwelcome facts by ignoring them and doesn’t believe in doctors and who handles differences between you by telling you what you want to hear and then not actually taking any steps to follow through? That last one is the definition of passive aggression, by the way.
That is, if you’re able to have a child.
And what if the child has significant health issues?
This isn’t “dating younger,” this is “dating philosophically divergent.” Which, difficult as it is, is nothing compared with “co-raising children philosophically divergent.” Please don’t let your concerns with conceiving distract you from seeing exactly what you’re taking on here.
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