Adapted from a recent online discussion.
Dear Carolyn: I had a first date last night with someone I met through a dating site. It seemed to go fine. This morning I see she has removed her profile from the site. Should I take this personally?
Online First Date
Since I suspect about 95 percent of the world’s problems stem at least in part from people taking things personally that they really don’t need to, I’m going to say no.
Plus, she could have done it because she liked you. Or liked some other date. Or hated some other date. Or whatever. So, if you want to see her again, then try to set up another date. If she declines, then you’ll have your answer.
It’s an answer you still shouldn’t take personally, because not being a fit with someone just means you’re X to someone who’s looking for Y.
Re: Profile: Or the site glitched. Or she didn’t renew her membership and they closed her listing. There are dozens of explanations. If you thought the date went well, then why were you on the site, though?
Dudes: People don’t always exchange off-site contact information until after the first date has gone well. (Suppose it goes badly and now someone you never want to see or hear from again knows your email address?) So date goes well, Letter Writer goes to say so and try to set up another date, girl has deactivated her profile and is nowhere to be found.
Different scenario, same advice: Don’t take it personally.
If this happens every time, then I’ll reconsider. Thanks.
Dear Carolyn: How about waking up to a message on Facebook from someone I rarely speak with, that says, “very suicidal” … ?! I wrote back and keep checking back, no replies. She lives in another state, I don’t have contact info and WHAT?!
I can’t feel good ignoring a cry for help but I am the most random person she could have chosen and I’m really worried now. Not fair. We are so not close. I’m not sure she would let me know she didn’t hurt herself. But what if … ?
Don’t mess around – report it to Facebook here: http://on.fb.me/1LeqXUz.
If and when you know where someone lives, you contact local police immediately as well. Since you apparently don’t, alerting Facebook puts the information in the hands of people who have access to at least some of the person’s information.
Email Carolyn at email@example.com or chat with her at 10 a.m. each Friday at www.washingtonpost.com.