Carolyn Hax: Advice

Carolyn Hax: Sister’s sleeping arrangement upsetting

Dear Carolyn: I married the man of my dreams, only to return from our honeymoon to find that my twin sister has been secretly sleeping with my now brother-in-law. Problems have since arisen.

(1) I’m upset my sister is sleeping with someone I now consider family, and for whom this is essentially just a booty call. (He won’t even let her tell people they are friends, and tells everyone he doesn’t even like her.) She keeps telling me he’ll realize he actually loves her, “one day.”

(2) She now thinks it’s appropriate to spend three to four nights a week at my in-laws’ home and invite herself on outings she wasn’t invited to. My mother-in-law and I have always been on shaky footing, and now I’m fighting jealousy over someone who isn’t even dating into the family! Help! I don’t want to be mad at my sister, but she’s making me crazy!

Twisted Sister

No she’s not. You’re making you crazy. Your sister’s choices sound embarrassing for you, but they’re still hers to make. Trying to manage the behavior of these two adults will only risk further strain with your in-laws. Focus on your spouse, focus on your relationship with your mother-in-law, and (only!) when your sister brings it up, express concern that she’s setting herself up to get hurt. That’s it. For all else, deep breathing.

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