Carolyn Hax: Advice

How to stop living a lie

Dear Carolyn: I got my girlfriend pregnant by accident when we were at the tail end of grad school together. We were both 27.

I was ambivalent and leaned toward not continuing the pregnancy, but she wanted the baby, so we had a son and continued our relationship but did not get married. We lived together and raised the child.

Hax, Carolyn
Carolyn Hax

She wanted to get married and I didn’t. I proposed under what I would call major pressure this year, but am realizing I made the wrong decision.

It’s been five years; where do I start untangling this?

San Francisco

I don’t usually do this, but I don’t think you should talk to anybody right now about anything — except a good therapist. You’re now five years into not even recognizing your own truth.

Chances are you’re representing yourself accurately and your heart isn’t in this marriage-to-be and you need to call it off. Stringing people along is never an answer.

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