Dear Carolyn: I got my girlfriend pregnant by accident when we were at the tail end of grad school together. We were both 27.
I was ambivalent and leaned toward not continuing the pregnancy, but she wanted the baby, so we had a son and continued our relationship but did not get married. We lived together and raised the child.
She wanted to get married and I didn’t. I proposed under what I would call major pressure this year, but am realizing I made the wrong decision.
It’s been five years; where do I start untangling this?
I don’t usually do this, but I don’t think you should talk to anybody right now about anything — except a good therapist. You’re now five years into not even recognizing your own truth.
Chances are you’re representing yourself accurately and your heart isn’t in this marriage-to-be and you need to call it off. Stringing people along is never an answer.
Email Carolyn at email@example.com.