Hi, Carolyn: I have a friend who just recently began dating and letting loose (we are 30). She’s now acting like an 18-year-old who doesn’t understand that you don’t change who you are to fit the guy. She plays mind games, constantly asks me for advice on “what to say to a guy” and generally reminds me of myself in the first few years of dating.
I love her, but I’ve outgrown all the drama. Do I tell her to stop talking about her relationships with me? Cut the friendship? She’s exhausting and I wonder if I exhausted my parents this way.
It’s easy for me to say, but, why not be patient with her? She didn’t have her 18 at 18, for whatever reason – and especially if it’s a reason that warrants compassion, it seems as if a little deep breathing can get you (and her) through to a comfortable, mutual 32.
One way to stay out of the drama in the meantime is to answer her questions maturely:
What to say to a guy? “Be honest about yourself and what you believe — it’s always better than guessing what he wants or playing games to get what you want.”
What does the guy want? “He wants to know who you are, so be yourself, and hope he does you the same favor.” Patiently remind her to be patient with the sorting-out process.
As usual, this is for when she asks. When she doesn’t ask, and when you’re weary of her man-ologuing, your best bet is to steer the conversation elsewhere … up to and including, “OK if we talk about something else?” You don’t even have to be smooth.
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