“Hi, I’m Evander. I want a mom and dad and older brothers and sisters. And a cat and dog ‘cause I love animals. I wish I could live on a farm. Or maybe just have pets.
“I go to pre-school. My favorite thing is to play with the cop helmet they have. I might want to be a policeman someday or a firefighter.
“I like swimming and tumbling lessons and riding my bike. And I love my Star Wars Legos! I like soccer, too. ... I like to go places with my family. I went to California and we went to see the ocean. I didn’t get to go to Disneyland. I want to go there some day.”
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A mom and a dad are important to Evander, and he has put in a specific request for people who are nice and like to have fun. Even though the concept of adoption is a bit beyond his comprehension, he knows the warm feeling of snuggling in safe arms and having trusted adults read him a story or cuddle with him while the family watches a movie.
Evander’s earlier childhood experiences included unpredictable adult behaviors, instability and frequent moves. The loss of his mother to a coma and her death had a profound effect on Evander’s ability to process loss. He needs to feel safe and to know his family will always be there to comfort him — even when he’s having a bad day.
Evander also lost the companionship of his mother’s service dog — one of his best friends. He is longing for a cat and a dog in his new family, and maybe a few older siblings to look up to.
Evander learns self-regulation by example. Taking deep breaths and lowering your voice help him deescalate when things get tense. Frequent prompts and simple question-and-answer discussions help him identify and confront sadness, anxiety or fear of what’s coming next. Some days are magnificent – and some days will be a struggle to show your reserves of patience and love. Evander still has emotional storms triggered by memories or situations that are not always evident to the adults around him.
Do you have an understanding of trauma-based parenting responses? The permanency team would like to talk to your adoption social worker about your parenting or professional experience, your access to community services, the stability of your relationship as a couple, and how flexible you can be in order to conform to Evander’s emotional needs.
Evander will brighten your day on the best of days and increase your ability to dial the day down a few notches when both of you are feeling stressed.
To find out more about Evander, email the Idaho CareLine (please include your city AND zip code) or call 1-800-926-2588. In Idaho you can dial 2-1-1. You may be asked to provide this reference number: 30562.