Ask Amy: Does 'no gifts' really mean no gifts?

Dear Amy: I received an invitation to "celebrate a marriage with dinner and dance." This is a second marriage for both bride and groom.

Along with the invitation was a note saying, "No gifts, please."

Does this mean cash only? I've never received this type of invitation before so I thought I better ask you to interpret.

CONFUSED

Dear Confused: Your query illustrates why marrying couples sometimes feel that they just can't win. If they have a second wedding permitting gifts, they are criticized for "gift-grabbing," and yet the exceedingly simple instruction, "No gifts, please," seems to bring on a profound level of confusion, as their guests wander around, trying to figure out what to do with their empty hands.

So, let me explain those three little words.

"No gifts, please" means É no gifts, please.

No crock pots, no checks, no donations to the charity of the couple's choosing. No gifts. Period.

This generous couple is trying to include you in their marriage celebration. They will be hosting the event.

Your gift to the couple should be to show up, have a wonderful time, dance the Macarena and engage in chitchat with the couple and their other guests.

Afterward, you should send them a note thanking them for hosting the event and wishing them all the best in their new life.

Dear Amy: I am a real estate agent, and I just had the saddest week.

In one week I showed rental properties to three families who were about to get divorced.

In two out of the three cases, one of the parties had cheated on their spouse and now the family home was being sold and all the parties moving to smaller places.

Watching the reality set in was heartbreaking.

They were leaving their lovely homes where their children were happily growing up and moving to a much lesser situation, due to some poor choices.

Where will the children hang out when they visit? Where will they keep their things? Are there other children around to play with?

I think that before people think about getting a divorce or having that affair, they should go out and look at apartments and picture where the kids might be sleeping or how lonely they would be in an apartment away from their family.

The grass is not always greener on the other side.

EILEEN IN CONNECTICUT

Dear Eileen: Thank you for the sobering reflection from the underside of the real estate bust.

But it's important to remember that just as divorce renders families asunder and forces them to live in reduced circumstances, not all intact families are happy.

askamy@tribune.com