Adapted from a recent online discussion.
Carolyn: I have two daughters, in their late 20s. Daughter 1 (older) is getting divorced, trying to complete GED, has lousy job/poor pay, and a little girl (my sweet grandbaby).
No. 2 is getting married in May, with satin dress, tuxes, the works. She's asked her sister to be maid of honor. Her sister can barely afford groceries, much less all the "stuff," plus she's struggling to keep her own sanity during the (bitter) divorce. They are not getting along and both of them feel somewhat betrayed by the other. There's anger, not empathy.
Please help me. This makes my heart hurt. Nothing I say to either/both has made even a slight difference. Thanks.
OUT THEREWell. If you can, the first thing I'd suggest doing is to make the expensive "stuff" issue go away for Daughter 1. I know, I know, some people get all funny about handouts to grown kids, but this is such an exception. It's one-time compassion, not to mention insulation from Sister 2's self-absorption.
Second, I think you need to deliver this deliverance, in check form, directly to Daughter 2. Point out that all maid-of-honor items are to come from this sum, because a divorcing student/mom who is struggling to afford groceries is not the place to go for her wedding expenses. Yes, I am advising you to take a side.
Yes, I realize Daughter 2 might get angry and take it out on Daughter 1, but then you get to deliver the overdue "It's time to grow up" talk to 2. I hope you don't need to.
Then, you go to 1 and explain that the money issue is gone, and in return would she please try to think back to her wedding, and how she might have felt if her sister were going through a bitter divorce at the time. Yes, the one who's broke and in pain needs more attention and compassion than the one who's celebrating, but this is indeed a time of celebration, and the couple deserves a family who can set their own troubles aside long enough to muster some happiness for them.
In other words, set an example of communication and compassion. If that doesn't stop them from feeling victimized, there isn't much you can do that will.
Carolyn: I've been flirting with a guy for the last few months. He's been flirting with me too. This week I just found out he's 22 - I'm 32! Neither of us looks our age so it wasn't an issue until now. I think we both still find each other attractive. What are your thoughts on 22-year-old guy with 32-year-old gal? (We have business/education in common.)
OLD-AGE DATING My initial thoughts are that your thoughts and his thoughts are the only thoughts that count.
I was about to type a "But seriously ," when I realized there's really nothing to add. If age becomes an issue, then that just means you're not well matched - the way any couple isn't well matched. Age doesn't determine maturity, values, interests, chemistry, timing; it merely contributes. Sometimes very little.
So, you get to know each other, you see what happens. A 10-year age difference between two legal adults adds no new feature to the usual weeding-out process.
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