But 'you did somethingfor a moment to show dignity and respect tohelp somebody.'

Charlie Sety does a lot of nice things for people. But for three elderly women recently, the most wonderful thing she did was simply drive her car.

Actually, that was only part of it. She laughed with them, listened to them, took them to the store and picked them up and took them home.

"There's such a great need (in the community). Anything you do for one person makes a large difference."

Charlie is a volunteer with Friends in Action, a non-profit organization dedicated to doing the little things that help seniors stay in their homes. Like driving them to doctor's appointments, helping around the house or yard, sorting mail, going for a walk.

"And companionship É Everyone needs someone to care and listen and talk to them. As we age, sometimes we isolate ourselves on our own - and then we realize it and we're missing it. We need that connection."

As a volunteer, Charlie spends most of her time in the FIA office, utilizing her skills as a certified public accountant. ("That's what I'm good at.") But if there are too many requests and not enough drivers, she picks up the slack. (Juanita Simpson, one of the passengers, exclaims, "I can't believe you do this for nothing. You have big hearts.")

"I see how thankful (clients) are, or they'll give me a hug at the end of the drive. ... It's just a warm feeling. I can see myself maybe being there someday."

Charlie's sensitivity to giving care - and her passion, which is supporting caregivers - is best understood from the stories she tells about caring for her mother, who had Alzheimer's.

"The doctor asked her if she knew what that meant. She said yes, it meant she was going to forget. I said, 'I'll remember for you.' "

It wasn't easy. Her mother needed 24-hour care, and Charlie had teenagers, a husband and a full-time job.

"Caregiving is a burden; it was often a struggle. It takes a toll on you and your health. É I was frustrated, exhausted, needed help and didn't know the resources.

"But you do it out of love. You do it willingly, and you're trying to do the best you can even though sometimes you don't know what to do or where to get help."

Even after her mother went to live in a facility, Charlie was still a caregiver.

"Sometimes my mom didn't know who I was. But I always knew she was my mother. ...

"Sometimes we'd go for a ride, get a piece of pie. She may not even remember I was there. A lot of people say that about people with dementia - oh, they won't even know I was there.

"But YOU know. YOU know you made them smile. ÉWhether they remember or not is not important. You know you made it special. É

"I think that's the whole thing: You did something for a moment to show dignity and respect to help somebody. That's the passion I have about helping seniors."

After her mother died, Charlie cared for her brother-in-law, and then her sister, until they each died of cancer.

"There isn't anything when you leave this world that you take with you. All you have are those memories and relationships. There is nothing else. É

"Some people don't know how to treat people with dementia. Avoidance is a big way. Or maybe someone with cancer, going through chemo and radiation and they've lost all their hair.

"People don't know what to say, so they don't call or visit. That's the relationship thing - putting it out front, just being a friend. You don't have to be anybody special."

Charlie started volunteering (first for the Alzheimer's Association and now for FIA) because "I saw what I needed, but didn't have, and I wanted to see if I could help other people who become caregivers."

Charlie can give more in-depth support, but helping seniors and caregivers, she says, can be as easy as making a phone call, providing an hour or two of respite or, perhaps, going for a drive.

"(One man) - I drove him to three medical appointments a couple of weeks in a row. And we went grocery shopping. He was so thankful and appreciative because he didn't know what he was going to do (if he couldn't find a ride).

"One of the doctor's appointments, we were there for a couple of hours. I just read a book. But the fact that somebody's willing to do that, it hit him and it hit me: It meant I cared enough.

"We all have to be aware. At some point in time, we will be needed and called to be a caregiver for someone. And at some point in time, we're going to (need) a caregiver."

Katherine Jones: 377-6414