Carolyn Hax: Wedding fights reveal bigger issues

April 21, 2014 

Adapted from a recent online discussion.

Hi, Carolyn: I'm all tuckered out from wedding season. My friends mainly got married one to three years ago, so we're now onto attending the weddings of my boyfriend's friends. We fight at every other wedding, triggered by a combination of too much wine and my own impatience about not being engaged yet.

At the next wedding we attend, I'm going to try sticking to soda to see if that helps, but the real problem is the impatience. Is there something wrong with me/my relationship if this is happening to us?

ANONYMOUS

"My own impatience about not being engaged yet": So, what's this about? Boyfriend not as into you as you are into him? You're more hung up on checking the box than you are on the person Boyfriend is, and Boyfriend on some level recognizes this? Boyfriend can't even settle on which socks to wear without naming a blue-ribbon panel to weigh in?

There's an underlying something here; couples of long-enough standing who are suited to each other and mature enough to enter into a declared commitment to each other tend to do just that, so when they don't, it usually means they're not suited to each other, not mature enough, or some blend of both.

For what it's worth, the drinking and brawling say you're not quite up to the "marriage-ready" hash mark on the maturity stick, but it also sounds as if there's more to it than that.

Re: Weddings: Even in very healthy relationships headed in the right directions, attending weddings or baby showers can add an element of stress and urgency to decisions about your own marriage and/or family planning. It is totally normal. Heck, a few years into a relationship when you're 31, even a mention of marriage in a TV commercial can lead to awkwardness.

ANONYMOUS 2

Peer pressure isn't just for middle school. Thanks muchly.

Idaho Statesman is pleased to provide this opportunity to share information, experiences and observations about what's in the news. Some of the comments may be reprinted elsewhere in the site or in the newspaper. We encourage lively, open debate on the issues of the day, and ask that you refrain from profanity, hate speech, personal comments and remarks that are off point. Thank you for taking the time to offer your thoughts.

Commenting FAQs | Terms of Service