Carolyn: After a year-and-a-half relationship that many expected was going to be long-term, we broke up, and I was surprised to find that many of our friends were not surprised, claiming that they supported our relationship but thought we were too different, and they didnt want to say anything while we were in the relationship.
Now, four months later, Im in a wonderful relationship that has the potential of being very long-term. I understand its the honeymoon phase, but I know when Ive found something really good.
Everyone thinks he is an amazing guy, but I dont get any sort of enthusiastic reaction from friends and family, which I believe could be because of my past relationship. Is there anything I could say to these people that would help them understand that I would prefer they would be as happy and supportive as they were for my previous relationship?
THE REACTION FACTOR
Nope. Its not worth it, nor is it your place. Its possible they think its too soon after your breakup, its possible they think its another mistake, its possible this is what approval actually looks like (since, remember, the last approval you experienced was fake). None of this matters now.
What does matter is that you proceed with this relationship at a pace that reflects good judgment and incorporates your experience, recent and otherwise. If you and he progress to the point where friends and family (and you) can reasonably expect to know this guy well and youre still getting a lukewarm reception, then ask one or two particularly trustworthy people what they think.
Otherwise, please stop scanning the crowd for reactions. Check out how many times you look outside your relationship for opinions: that many expected; many of our friends were not surprised; Everyone thinks he is an amazing guy; I dont get any sort of enthusiastic reaction; I would prefer they would be as happy and supportive.
One could speculate (not I, pshhh) that youre dating not to please yourself, but your audience, which all but assures a mismatch.
Forget what they think how do you feel?
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