Hax: Girlfriend has been patient too long

The Washington PostFebruary 19, 2014 

Carolyn: After three years with my boyfriend, it has become clear we have very different ideas of intimacy. When we first met, there were all the sparks I could hope for, but he quickly cooled to the point of reaching out maybe once every few months, half-heartedly.

I have tried talking about it, being patient, initiating, giving him space — but he just doesn’t desire sex. We love each other and have kept the excitement in all ways except that one, but my eye has started to wander. I don’t want to leave him but don’t know how much longer I can be patient.

30 AND SAD

“Be patient”? For what?

An active libido isn’t “unfortunate” — it’s part of you. Whether his dormant libido is part of him, or you, or is fixable, I can’t say.

You want to stay, you want regular sex, you want fidelity, you want. Unless he’s actually trying to please you, it’s time to face up to not getting what you want.

Carolyn: My son’s birthday was four months ago, and his godmother hasn’t yet gotten him a birthday or Christmas gift. The problem is, this is getting in the way of our socializing. Friday I sent them a text suggesting we meet up for dinner. They finally texted back days later (even though these are people who live by their cell phones) to say they were at the movies and missed my message but let’s try next weekend. This has been going on for four months!

It’s because they don’t have my son’s gifts yet. She was “sick” for his birthday party and then admitted later it was because she didn’t have a gift. She rescheduled our Christmas gift exchange several times. I finally dropped off her children’s gifts. Again she admitted she didn’t have any gifts for my son. Their kids and my son are good friends. This nonsense is getting in the way of their friendship as well.

This has nothing to do with finances — I happen to know she splashed out on everyone else. What should I do?

ANONYMOUS

Put this thing to rest, please: “Forget gifts! Son just misses your kids.”

Email tellme@washpost.com. Chat online at 10 a.m. Fridays at www.washingtonpost.com.

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