Kituku: It’s your behavior that fosters true romance

Special to The Idaho StatesmanFebruary 15, 2014 

Is Valentine only about diamonds, expensive perfumes and hotels? There is nothing wrong with these fine things of life. But romantic life should not be only for men who can afford diamonds and/or expensive trips to exotic islands. Even diamonds and other top dollar romantic gestures are short time solutions.

We married men need long-term easy-to-apply tips with a zero/shoestring budget. Tips we can proudly pass on to our sons and sons-in-law.

There is no question that a happy man is a top performer at whatever he puts his hands and heart on. The issue is, for a married man that happiness may largely depend on the state of his marriage. In other words, the condition of your marriage will affect your happiness and thus your personal and professional growth. This leads to the question, “What can a married man do to ensure his happiness and career don't suffer because of the poor condition of his marriage?”

1. Never underestimate the value of helping with house chores. Cleaning dishes and bathrooms, vacuuming the carpet and peeling potatoes speak volumes about how much you care. Is that something you can do regularly and at no cost? As a motivational speaker and writer, I have often had outstanding ideas come to me while cleaning bathrooms (something I keep as a personal secret so that my children don’t quit cleaning their bathrooms).

2. Shared spiritual harmony. Now this is not so talked about in romantic terms. Praying together is not easy for people who are not talking to each other. Hardened hearts, a main reason why romance dies in marriages, are loosened. Light hearts love the comfort of union. It’s never a small task to sincerely talk to God, thank Him for His goodness, while you can't speak to your bedmate. Your investment in this is kneeling and praying together with your wife.

3. Working together. Whether cleaning the garage or weeding the garden together there is some unexplained romantic chemistry that just seems to build a bond that endures longer than diamonds.

4. Never ignore the power of appreciation. Appreciation of her cooking, the setting at home or how she hosted your guests is a virtue that is rarely valued and applied in marriages any more. Even thanking her for how she takes care of your children and keeps you in line may mean more to her than a paycheck.

5. Get out of your comfort zone, just for her. Could you be strong enough and be with her doing something she loves that you could not care less about? For instance, if she loves shopping, your sacrifice to endure the exercise at least three times a year goes a long way. Such acts (sacrifices) rarely go unnoticed. It has been said that time shared together is what matters.

6. Surprises. This is where your creativity is tested. Make a phone call to announce that today is pizza night because Mom needs to rest. The kids will promote you while your wife is overwhelmed by your understanding. Have you ever had business lunch that you loved and then ask to take away plate to be prepared for your wife?

7. NEVER ever say anything negative about your wife to anyone. Let your children know that respect and honor of their mother (your wife) is not a choice. That is not a problem anyway, if you respect and honor her.

Dr. Vincent Muli Kituku is an author and speaker for business organizations, schools and Christian groups. Contact him at (208) 376-8724 or

The Idaho Statesman’s weekly faith column features a rotation of writers from many different faiths and perspectives.

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