Its likely that halftime entertainment and commercials during todays Super Bowl will be overshadowed by the calculated shenanigans of Seattle Seahawks loudmouth Richard Sherman.
Still, we can hope.
The combination of Bruno Mars and the Red Hot Chili Peppers, not to mention the cranium-crushing barrage of amped-up ads, appears to have substantial entertainment potential.
This depends, of course, on what you find entertaining.
Its been a decade since Justin Timberlake unleashed Janet Jacksons world-changing nipple during their (obviously staged) halftime debacle, earning CBS a $550,000 fine from the dependably outraged FCC.
This cultural milestone, as others have noted, makes the Chili Peppers a head-scratching choice by the family-friendly NFL. This is a male rock group whose members spent their early career performing all but naked, coining the term strategically placed tube sock. Supporting the adage that growing older is inevitable and growing up is a choice, Chili Peppers bassist Flea, 51, recently tweeted Anybody wanna see my **** at the Super Bowl? (Bonus Sunday crossword hint: He used a word for rooster.)
The tweet was deleted, ostensibly when he realized that a man named Flea might be better off not attempting to impress everyone with his reproductive organs. But it lingered long enough to make the perspiring suits at NFL headquarters feel queasy, no doubt. Remember, this is the same NFL that sued rapper M.I.A. $1.5 million for exposing her middle finger during Madonnas 2012 halftime show.
Bruno Mars, on the other hand, is a consummate entertainer and a global superstar. Granted, hell take the halftime spotlight underappreciated, if not entirely unknown, by older viewers. If hes perspicacious (thats a Sherman-approved word, crossword folks), Mars will unleash his funky, retro-mainstream smash Locked Out of Heaven. That funky, chart-topping track will even entice your grandpa to breakdance.
But Mars could go rogue on the NFL. This is a pop star who won his first Grammy and pleaded guilty to cocaine possession in a four-day span. And much of Mars music is sexually charged, including Locked Out of Heaven, which my young sons still innocently believe is about a saxophone taking us to paradise.
Even Mars kicked-back No. 1 hit The Lazy Song arguably THE song of summer 2012 might be too risque for the NFL. As an SB Nation blogger making similar points recently noted, it centers on laying in bed, watching TV and masturbating.
Far be it from me to tell you how to watch the Super Bowl. Just be sure to make time for the ads. The coolest thing about Super Bowl commercials is that they arent commercials in the traditional sense. Theyre attention-grabbing devices to get us talking.
Unfortunately, the surprise has been corrupted. Many companies now run teasers weeks in advance of their $4 million-per-30-seconds spots. Others release the ads online in their entirety which isnt always a fun thing for viewers who cant resist peeking.
When Kias Matrix-inspired ad airs today, Ill go outside and toss a football for a minute or two. As a fan of the movie, it saddens me seeing Morpheus as a stout, opera-singing car salesman. (The blue pill or the red pill? Dude, well need better pharmaceuticals than that to get through this bout of depression youve caused.)
Each year, I cross my fingers that GoDaddy.com will deliver its usual sexist Danica Patrick schlock. That way, we have something to mock loudly after our third beer. But this years ad will feature male bodybuilders instead of sexy women. Patrick wears a ridiculous muscle suit.
Yet there are certain companies you can count on. Who didnt brush away a tear in 2013 during Budweisers mini-movie about a Clydesdales lifetime bond with its owner?
Anheuser-Busch has added a puppy to its Clydesdale ad campaign this year. But again, the ad is already online and, as good as it is, its not quite as touching as last years.
Ultimately, the whole Super Bowl entertainment enchilada seems destined to fall short of our sky-high expectations.
Mars and the Chili Peppers most likely will behave themselves. Plenty of the commercials will fall into the meh category. In other words, its setting up nicely for Seattles self-promotional cornerback to take advantage.
I dont dislike Sherman. Hes been adopted by ESPN as the new Tim Tebow someone they cant go 30 seconds without mentioning. He exploited it yes, rather perspicaciously.
But Ive had my fill. Id rather hear anything besides Sherman spouting off after the game and then ESPN host Stuart Scott making cheesy puns about it for the next month. And theres only one way to guarantee it doesnt happen.
Go. Denver. Broncos.
Besides, watching the so-called Legion of Boom cry its way back to Seattle? Now that would be quality entertainment.
TONIGHT IN THE OTHER STUDIO
Tim Johnstone and I will play new spoofs of Nine Inch Nails and the Chili Peppers, plus more serious tracks from The Hold Steady, Silversun Pickups and lots more.
The Other Studio airs at 9 p.m. Sundays on 94.9 FM The River.
IN SCENE FEB. 7
- Reviews of three bakeries in Downtown Boise that put out distinctly different styles of baked goods.
- Two art shows in Boise take a look at love.
Michael Deeds column runs Fridays in Scene and Sundays in Life. He co-hosts The Other Studio at 9 p.m. Sundays on 94.9 FM The River and appears Thursdays on Channel 6 News. Email: mdeeds@ idahostatesman.com. Twitter: @IDS_Deeds