Hax: Friend's pregnancy causes jealousy

The Washington PostJanuary 30, 2014 

Adapted from a recent online discussion.

Hi, Carolyn: A friend of mine has recently announced her pregnancy. I have been trying for a few months to conceive, haven't been successful yet. I don't think I'm at a point yet where I need to panic, but I'm a worrywart, so my emotions are fragile.

This friend and her husband have semi-invited themselves to my house for a weekend. It seems that they want to celebrate their happy news … and while I want to do that with them, I'm also jealous and upset that it hasn't happened for me yet. I am able to deal with this from afar, but a weekend of them in my house? I don't want to be a grouch or a downer. Any tips on rebuttals when the "Oh don't worry, you're next" comments come?

NOT SO LUCKY (YET)

You haven't told her yet that you're a few months into trying? That you're happy for her but also jumpy about it yourself? As a way of explaining why you might not appear as thrilled as you genuinely are for her?

Maybe you're afraid that's grouch behavior, but I see that as the way friends look out for each other - by being transparent and taking it from there instead of letting them walk blindly into a minefield.

Maybe there's more to this, like she's super-touchy or you don't like sharing, but otherwise I think the straight-ahead answer is the right one here. Talk to her.

By the way, you're right, a "few" months is pre-panic territory.

By the way II, worrywart tendencies tend to come into full flower when there's a baby to freak out about. Do you have strategies for keeping them in check?

Re: Friend: Also, if you're not ready, you can tell your friend that it turns out it's not a good time. And then YOU invite her when you're ready. It's your home, you aren't a hotel. If you're not ready to be "on" for a houseguest, then politely and kindly put her off.

ANONYMOUS

This is a tutorial in saying no. Thanks.

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