Dear Carolyn: My friend has been hooking up with a guy for a few weeks now. He was her first time and I know she really likes him. They are not dating and I knew they wouldnt.
The other night, she took me with her to go ice skating with him and he brought a friend. The whole time he was trying to make eye contact with me and flirt with me. After the night ended, he texted her, telling her, I think we should stop this because you deserve better, then proceeded to text me that he likes me more, that we have more in common, and that he could actually see himself with me.
He lives in another state and is only here so often. I really do want to talk to him because I know hes my type, but after what they did and how hurt my friend is, I feel it would not be right. I dont want to have to hide it from her but I would have to.
Theres an old saying: When someone shows you hes a galloping jackhole, believe him. (Well, not old. Maya Angelou. Sort of.)
Please. You know exactly what to do. You just dont want to, and so are shopping for permission to self-indulge.
So sorry! Theres no loophole that makes it OK for you to sneak around on your wounded friend just because the guy whom she entrusted with her first time and who within days turned his attention from her to you is your type. What is your type reptilian?
I wont pretend that all attractions are convenient or that all inconvenient attractions are wrong. But if youre going to hurt someone in the interest of love, there had at least better be love. Youre talking eye contact. (keyboard thump.)
This is where the fact of 7 billion-plus people on Earth is convenient to keep in mind: Some of them might be your type, too, and have no fresh and painful history with someone you care about. Some, even, might not use dates with one woman to shop for other women.
Think of it this way: If you and he get together, then youd deserve each other. Deserve better is the ironically placed bar I suggest you clear.
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