Dear Carolyn: For years Ive been trying to make my relationship with my mom better, always hoping that if I just tried harder and did more she would love me and accept me. Weve had some wonderful times but its always been a roller coaster.
I finally hit rock bottom with her and feel like I need to let go of the mom I want her to be and accept her for who she is and grieve that loss, but make the most of what I do have. Any book recommendations? I will be pursuing therapy; I think its a must.
Im sorry for your disappointment, but it sounds as if you have a lot of good things ahead of you now the inherent benefit in rock bottom.
The first book I thought of was Anywhere but Here by Mona Simpson. A novel probably isnt the type of book you had in mind, but its Difficult Mom Distancing immersion.
Another offbeat offering that I suspect will hit the spot is the movie Ruby in Paradise. Its a pitch-perfect take on the transition from a life where others let you down to a life where you come through for yourself.
Dear Carolyn: Do you think people should go to their high school reunions? I skipped my 10th and there were people in my life who genuinely couldnt understand why.
I just dont see any reason to go. Im not curious about anyone. And I would only go to be a braggy braggerson (I live in New York City now and celebrities say hi to me!), and their responses would all be, How many kids do you have and how big is your house because those are our measures of success.
If you are going only to brag and judge, then its still too early to go. Go when you dont care what people think of you. Thats when youre open to seeing how much better people can get after life throws them around a bit.
Meanwhile, it can be cathartic to talk to people who shared your past and shaped your present. Consider going not to catch up with classmates you havent thought about in X decades, but to learn more about you.
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