Dear Carolyn: Im newly single after being dumped from a serious, long-term relationship. I thought the relationship was perfect. It turns out my ex was telling me things were perfect but secretly romancing someone else.
Im starting to move past the stage of wanting my ex back and into the stage of wanting to find a new person for a relationship. However, I dont want to ruin my chances with new people by trying to date before Im really ready. How will I know when Im ready? How long do I really need to wait?
As long as it takes to meet someone you want to date which is very different from reaching the point of wanting to date.
Wanting to date is interviewing for a vacancy, and too often the first step in agreeing to the least unappealing candidate.
Another reason to be patient: Youve positioned yourself to make that mistake, or one like it, before youve even accepted a date, with, I dont want to ruin my chances with new people. Youre trying to impress these candidates, versus treating them as people who need to impress you.
Your baseline for such accurate readings is the happiness of your life on your own the phase between wanting the old and wanting the new.
Dear Carolyn: I need a reality check. Is it out of line to want a preliminary family meeting to discuss next steps for our aging parents to include just the adult siblings and the parents, i.e., not my sisters husband and brothers live-in partner of several years?
I also dont think I should have to explain why I have this preference.
Yes, but maybe not for the reason you think.
Your parents get to decide who has this conversation, not you.
If they dont care, are incapacitated or are vulnerable to arm-twisting, then its worth explaining your preference. Whether you should have to explain is irrelevant and, worse for your interests, defensive.
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