Adapted from a recent online discussion.
Carolyn: Six months ago I gave birth to twins, and shortly after we got home from the hospital, our friend Jane brought over several meals shed made for us. About a week after that, our friend Bill lost his wife suddenly.
We wanted to get food to him ASAP so I pulled from the freezer some of Janes food and some things Id made while still pregnant. A few weeks later, Jane brought over a casserole and I mentioned to her how much we appreciated it since wed given some of what she brought to Bill.
Fast-forward to last week and Jane admits to me that she was really (teed) off that we had done that. She said shed made those meals for us with love and was annoyed that we would just give it away like that. Said we could have gone to the store or had something delivered rather than taking her food to him.
Our twins are a week old and were supposed to go shopping when we already have prepared food in our freezer?
As a result of our decision to help out our friend, she decided at that point to stop making food for us at all. I apologized for hurting her feelings but was too stunned to say much else. Am I being unreasonable in thinking thats a little insensitive?
Id call it exhausting, actually, for Jane. Isnt life hard enough without finding extra reasons to take offense, and without acting on them in the form of never again decisions? And dredging them up as fresh wounds six months after the fact?
To be fair, calling Janes overreaction insensitive flirts with completing the circle of huffiness, because it implies that she wounded you by being wounded by you, when what this situation really needs is for someone to stop the madness. Better to greet Janes harrumph with a Gosh, we sure didnt mean to hurt your feelings, we were just trying to help a friend, and leave this whole stretch of social misfires in the past. This might be something you cant leave behind, accept as a precedent for Jane being Jane and a cue to thicken your skin.
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