Hi, Carolyn: Im afraid Im seriously crushing on my close friends boyfriend, who happens to be close friends with my boyfriend. We all hang out a few times a week.
My boyfriend and I have had a rough patch and so have they. Ive noticed that Im developing feelings for him and I think the feeling is mutual. We havent said anything about it or crossed the line into inappropriate conversations; however, I feel like we just respond to each other more than anyone else.
Its gotten so bad that Ive started dreaming about being with him. I have cheated before, on my first serious boyfriend when I was a teenager, and I dont want to do it again. What can I do to curb these feelings?
ONCE A CHEATER, BUT NOT WANTING TO BE ALWAYS A CHEATER
Why are you still with your boyfriend? Rough patch + feelings for someone else - life commitment usually = sign that its over. No?
As for how to curb the feelings, distance is the only reliable way. Itll be hard when your precedent is to see them almost every other day, but do find a way to pull back. Telling your friend outright about your crush would be the easiest if youre open with each other that way, but saying you need one-on-one or alone time to deal with your boyfriend is also a perfectly good explanation, for now you can tell your friend youve got a lot to figure out and youre going to lie low until you do. That process can include extra time with your boyfriend and/or some good stretches of time alone to sort out your feelings.
What you need to figure out is whether you love your boyfriend, love the crush object, or love whatever is just out of your reach.
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