Adapted from a recent online discussion.
Carolyn: Im a middle-aged gay man, one of two sons raised by a widow with physical (and mental, I suspect) health issues that filled her with rage, which persists to this day, though she does function better. Or maybe Im more inured to it, Im not sure.
Anyway, two close friends of mine lost incredibly loving parents recently, and that has gotten me to thinking about what I could possibly say about mine in a eulogy. Im not sure my brother would even attend the funeral, and her current husband is almost certain to go first.
Somehow Ive turned out semi-sane, and Im sure I could cobble together a few vague sentences about how she did her best for me and I will always be grateful. Thats actually true as far as it goes, but I feel a lot of other emotions that would not be appropriate to express. This is a comparatively low-intensity problem, but Id welcome any insights.
WHAT TO SAY?
A mother with rage issues is about as serious as it gets, no? But I get what youre saying its mostly behind you, you turned out semi-sane, and all thats left is the period at the end of the sentence. (That image works on two levels, doesnt it?)
Surely what youre after is a way to reconcile your conflicted feelings about her, especially as you watch your close friends grieve in a pure way that you know you never can. So why dont you really try writing a eulogy for her? Write it not for an audience but as an exercise in exorcising though, who knows, you might find enough beauty in it to say it out loud.
That is, if you want to; you certainly have every right to decline to eulogize her.
Re: Eulogy: Im not sure my brother would even attend the funeral : Problem solved. Dont hold a funeral. Seriously. Weve all seen the services were private notice in the newspaper. You can do it.
The non-funeral can be for the living, too. Thanks.
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