Ask Amy: Couple's private choice becomes family fodder

Ask Amy:

May 5, 2013 

Dear Amy: My husband and I recently went through the heartbreaking experience of having to terminate our first pregnancy for medical reasons. My mother, who is anti-abortion, was dismissive of the poor prognosis. Unfortunately, my parents told some extended family about the pregnancy (despite our wishes). My husband sent a polite email to my parents stating that we wanted privacy, and my mom responded, "It's not great over here, either."

I'm having a hard time getting over this crisis. My father says that I shouldn't discuss the issue with her.

WANTING TO MOVE ON

Dear Wanting: My insight involves you disregarding your father's well-meaning advice not to discuss this with your mother. Surely he wants to keep the peace, but this issue is too important to sweep under the rug.

Keep your statements simple. You should tell her that her actions caused you additional heartbreak during an incredibly painful time. And tell her you love her and are trying hard to move forward.

After you host this challenging talk with her, then never discuss it (or any other pregnancy related issue) with her again - unless discussing it is your choice.

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