Adapted from a recent online discussion.
Carolyn: I have a friend who I thought was a really close friend. I backed out of being her bridesmaid because I am due to give birth that same month; I apologized profusely and gave seven months' notice. I have gotten the cold shoulder since.
She has a long history of being extremely passive aggressive to others when they "wrong" her in some way that normally, after some time, she gets over. Despite her saying that "everything is fine," she has not accepted any of my invitations, nor has she invited me to anything.
WHEN TO CUT LOSSES
She sounds less like a friend and more like a narcissist. I'm sorry. It's time to back off. If Miffy's disappearance is about something other than being miffed at you, then she'll come around when she's ready to.
Carolyn: I'm always looking for the next thing: next job, next steps to what I'm going to do for the week, etc. Let's call it an "itch."
Well, I've dated the love of my life for the past year. I can't see myself without him.
But, that itch is knocking again. I want to leave our city and move on. He meanwhile has bought a condo and is finishing up with renovations. I know he wants to stay here for at least a couple of years.
LOOKING TO THE NEXT THING
Sounds as if you need to figure yourself out: namely, which do you want to commit yourself to, your wanderlust or your desire for a "love of my life"? You can try your best to balance both, but ultimately a partnership is going to commit you to treating your partner's needs as equal to your own.
So, it's time either to accept that your next-thing urges are too strong to make you long-term relationship material, OR to find ways to satisfy your next-thing urges within the limits of a relationship.
You're at a crossroads now, so don't just try to kick it to the wayside. Face it. And tell him EXACTLY what you're trying to do; don't string him along while you figure it all out.
Email email@example.com. Chat online at 10 a.m. Fridays at www.washingtonpost.com.