Adapted from a recent online discussion.
Dear Carolyn: My boss is a bad guy. I'm looking, diligently, for another job - not an easy thing to find right now - but while I do that and cross my fingers, how do I maintain my sanity? We're a tiny workplace that he runs, there's no human resources department, and quitting is not an option because getting hired while you're unemployed is SO much harder.
And yes, I attend to hobbies/friends/etc., but I work long-ish hours, and this has been going on long enough that it's hard to control the bleed into my personal life. Thanks.
BAD BOSS
How are you at distancing yourself, as if what you experience with your boss isn't a relationship, but instead a thing you watch as if you're safely behind glass?
You have to do your job, yes, but let's say you regard interacting with him as nothing more emotional than going to the grocery store - and there's traffic but you gotta get what you gotta get. It's essentially a decision that none of this is any more personal than traffic, and just as far beyond your control, and just as necessary to get through.
Would that work? Or are you already there, and it's the traffic that has worn you down, figuratively speaking.
As for its bleeding into your personal life, I can only suggest you treat it as your escape from work - and configure it accordingly.
Carolyn: Partly, the traffic has worn me down. Partly, I slip sometimes because it is very hard to remove oneself when the criticism is so often personally framed (e.g., "You did a terrible job writing this" as opposed to "This is poorly written," except multiply that by 100). Does that make sense?
BAD BOSS AGAIN
It does.
Since you're internalizing the criticism, consider allowing yourself some quickie reality checks, where you externalize the barbs. For example, when Boss says, "You did a terrible job writing this," your inner voice follows up with, "And you have the leadership skills of a dung beetle."
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