Dear Amy: I work for a law firm. A couple of years ago, it came to light that one of the partners was having an affair with a firm lawyer. Both are married, and he is her supervisor.

This situation has caused no end of problems in our office as this boss has continued to favor his paramour over others. Morale has deteriorated to the point where employees are leaving in disgust, and the firm is actually splitting into two as a result of the fallout due to the affair.

Without exception, my friends feel that this boss' wife deserves to be told about her husband's affair. The wife is a lovely person (also a lawyer). No one wants to see her or their children hurt.

TORN ASUNDER

Dear Torn: If this law partner has created professional mayhem in the firm to the extent the firm is no longer a firm - but two - then surely the wife (and the other lawyer's husband) must already know.

However, the balance of mail over the years on whether to tell the wronged spouse tips toward telling. I happen to disagree, unless the spouse is a close friend.

Rather than get involved in this personal issue, you should be concerned about the personnel problem. An employment lawyer (outside the firm) might advise former employees forced out that they have a case of wrongful termination.

Dear Amy: I work full time and have a great nanny. My nanny and another neighborhood mom, "Pam," hang out with the kids. It's great. Recently, another mom, "Wendy," became part of their circle.

A few weeks ago, things changed. Wendy's child has a peanut allergy, and Pam had brought snacks with peanuts to playdates.

Wendy asked Pam to be respectful of her daughter's allergy when they met at Wendy's home. Pam arrived with peanut butter sandwiches, so Wendy told her that they could no longer have playdates because of this.

Pam has extended a couple of invites to me, which puts me in a weird spot. My nanny is like a family member, and she is hurt by this mom's actions.

Do I try to maintain a friendship with someone who has upset a person I like and care about? I am confused by her disregard for a child's health, but since I've only heard this from one perspective, I'm not sure about my role.

BYSTANDER

Dear Bystander: This doesn't involve you, unless "Pam" attempts to draw you in. If so, you should ask her directly, "I've become aware that there is tension between you and my child's nanny. Would you tell me what's going on there?"

I guarantee that her response will reveal a lot about what kind of person she is. She seems not to respect boundaries.

askamy@tribune.com