Adapted from a recent online discussion.
Carolyn: How do I get comfortable with the idea of leaving my baby with sitters? I’m OK when she’s with my husband; anyone else, and I’m a wreck. This isn’t great for my peace of mind, plus I’m sure it’s VERY annoying for the sitters, as I’m calling home practically every half-hour to make sure she’s still breathing.
Did I mention she’s almost a year old? Ordinarily I don’t have an anxiety problem or anything, but I know how un-careful other people are when they’re borrowing other people’s clothes; I can’t help but assume the same would apply here.
NERVOUS
It doesn’t apply here. Well, it does, but only in the sense that you probably don’t want to trust your child to someone you can’t even trust with your sweater.
Another bit of throat-clearing: Your attempts to ensure that your baby continues breathing introduce a small, needless and rather ironic risk to your child: Those frequent calls don’t improve anyone’s breathing but do take a sitter’s attention away from your baby.
Last bit of throat-clearing: Non-parents are often more careful with a child than a parent, because the stakes are higher when you mess up on someone else’s child.
Finally, an answer to your question: All this depends on whether your anxiety is clinical or just the product of an overactive imagination. The latter can be largely tamed by having your sitter care for your baby when you’re home. Really hand over those reins, and see how responsibly, how uneventfully, your baby can be held, fed, changed, read to, rocked. Set up this exercise by saying you have a lot to do around the house and would love a hand with the baby for two or three hours. “Act like I’m not even here,” you will instruct this sitter. Then lie low and stick to the plan.
If that doesn’t calm you down, then consider getting screened for anxiety. You might have had it since before you became a mother, and managed it through life adjustments that didn’t seem out of the ordinary — until Baby came along and overwhelmed your coping mechanisms.
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