Adapted from recent online discussions.
Carolyn: I’m about to break up with my fiance of five years. I’m nervous, but I have friends supporting me and I’m pretty sure I can handle it.
Everyone knows my fiance, and people frequently profess how great they think he is. How am I going to explain to everyone I know that I’m scrapping the relationship and life plan I’ve been working toward for five years, without going into the gory details? I have the uncomfortable feeling that if I did share the gory details, I’d get a lot of minimizing and apologism that I really don’t want to have to deal with.
BREAKING UP IS HARD TO DO
“Yes, he is great — we just weren’t as great for each other as we may have seemed.” That validates your fiance and others’ opinions of him, and also drives home the point that no one on the outside can ever know what goes on between two people.
And then slam the door shut on any further discussion. It’s no one’s business but yours — and exceedingly painful business, no doubt. Hang in there.
Carolyn: Getting married in three weeks. My future mother-in-law had a dress made for me in another country. So, so sweet.
However, it doesn’t fit, and I look like a sausage in it. I took it to a dressmaker. She said she’d have to take it apart and remake it in order for it to fit, and can’t guarantee it will look good. I don’t want to go through all of that trouble with a million other things to do.
I also don’t want to hurt my mother-in-law’s feelings. This is a great time to exercise some honesty, but I’m having a hard time gathering my (spine) to do so. Can you give me a quick phrase that I could approach her with, to let her know I’ve decided to use my back-up dress, without ragging on the handmade dress?
BACK OFF, PLEASE?
Just say it doesn’t fit, and the dressmaker you consulted wasn’t optimistic. But you think the dress and gesture were both beautiful.
The dukes-up tone of your signature doesn’t come through in your letter so make sure it doesn’t sneak in anywhere else.
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