Adapted from recent online discussions.
Carolyn: Im about to break up with my fiance of five years. Im nervous, but I have friends supporting me and Im pretty sure I can handle it.
Everyone knows my fiance, and people frequently profess how great they think he is. How am I going to explain to everyone I know that Im scrapping the relationship and life plan Ive been working toward for five years, without going into the gory details? I have the uncomfortable feeling that if I did share the gory details, Id get a lot of minimizing and apologism that I really dont want to have to deal with.
BREAKING UP IS HARD TO DO
Yes, he is great we just werent as great for each other as we may have seemed. That validates your fiance and others opinions of him, and also drives home the point that no one on the outside can ever know what goes on between two people.
And then slam the door shut on any further discussion. Its no ones business but yours and exceedingly painful business, no doubt. Hang in there.
Carolyn: Getting married in three weeks. My future mother-in-law had a dress made for me in another country. So, so sweet.
However, it doesnt fit, and I look like a sausage in it. I took it to a dressmaker. She said shed have to take it apart and remake it in order for it to fit, and cant guarantee it will look good. I dont want to go through all of that trouble with a million other things to do.
I also dont want to hurt my mother-in-laws feelings. This is a great time to exercise some honesty, but Im having a hard time gathering my (spine) to do so. Can you give me a quick phrase that I could approach her with, to let her know Ive decided to use my back-up dress, without ragging on the handmade dress?
BACK OFF, PLEASE?
Just say it doesnt fit, and the dressmaker you consulted wasnt optimistic. But you think the dress and gesture were both beautiful.
The dukes-up tone of your signature doesnt come through in your letter so make sure it doesnt sneak in anywhere else.
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