Adapted from a recent online discussion.
Carolyn: Do you think I have to disclose to my friends, relatives, dates, etc., that I’m on antidepressants? It’s likely to change my relationships in some ways (I hope for the better), so I feel these people deserve an explanation, but I’m afraid I’m going to feel judged, whether or not anyone is actually judging me. What do you think?
D.C.
Friends, no, relatives, no, dates, no … until you get to the point where you think things are on a serious, committed path. You should also feel free to tell anyone you trust not to judge you, since it would probably be good for both of you to share the truth.
I say all this for a couple of reasons:
(1) Intimacy isn’t possible unless you share who you are, fully, even (especially?) the stuff you’re afraid to share. That’s not to say you should spill all and just cross your fingers that loved ones won’t make you pay; choose people carefully, get to know them, then wait until you know enough about them to feel safe, and until you trust yourself enough to carry on even if the person lets you down. That’s when you start revealing more.
(2) Looking for this “safe” point will help you see more clearly whether you’re surrounding yourself with people who are good for you. If it turns out you have good cause to believe people will judge you for simply tending to your health, then you have another, potentially valuable piece of your mental-health puzzle. Your relationships may change for the better after you stabilize your moods, but they can improve only so much if the people you’re spending time with are negative, critical, judgmental and/or looking for leverage against you.
Your depression might shade the way you view your relationships, and that’s why medication is best taken with a side of high-quality talk therapy.
Re: Antidepressants: When you do share, please don’t present it as something shameful. When I told my close friends and family, I shared it as great news, which it was.
ANONYMOUS
Yes.
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