Dear Amy: Many years ago my family lived in a communist country. My wife and I faced many challenges to come to the United States.
Our main goal was the well-being of our daughter. She got a college degree and is now a successful professional, married and with a daughter.
My wife died 25 years ago. I live alone on the West Coast. My daughter lives in the Northeast.
After I retired, I wanted to relocate close to my only child and grandchild. I dont need financial help; my only desire is to see them.
Unfortunately, my daughter does not want me to live close to her or even to visit them (I told her that I will stay in a hotel) because my presence makes her nervous.
I asked many times what are the things she does not like and expressed readiness to correct my behavior. No answer from her. I have never interfered in her life. She wrote that she is grateful to me for what I did raising her and that she loves me (but does not want to see me).
Dear Lonely: In a way, your daughter has chosen exile from her home; there may be something about this impulse that you understand (more than you realize). If you want to visit her, then you should plan a trip to her area and let her know several days ahead of time that you will be in town.
This would take some bravery on your part, but I do believe that even if this does not result in a reconciliation, you would feel better knowing that you tried. Give her the opportunity to express herself and be open to talking.
Beyond that, you should do your utmost to build a life for yourself wherever you want to live. Make an effort to join organizations, develop friendships with people your own age and reach out to people from your home country who live in the U.S.