Dear Carolyn: My son is getting married to a lovely woman. She has kindly included me in a lot of the wedding plans.

When she told me she planned on having black and lilac for her wedding colors, with her bridesmaids wearing black, I bit my tongue. I can’t help but feel like black is a color for funerals and not weddings.

I brought this up with my son, and he said he doesn’t care what the colors are. I’m not sure this is worth bringing up with my future daughter-in-law, as I do not want to start a conflict. Advice?

ANONYMOUS

A vast majority of the guests will associate black with what they wear every day, or just wore to a wedding, themselves.

And the ones who do think of funerals: What harm is coming to them by having to look at black dresses, or to think, “Hmm, I wish they’d stuck with pink”?

These are three of the steps on the ladder to a point I could just leap to without a ladder at all: SAY NOTHING ABOUT ANYTHING TRIVIAL.

Yes, I’m shouting.

Because I can’t imagine anything more trivial than color.

Her inclusion of you? Now, that is huge. People who remain focused on what matters, who don’t fret the little stuff and who let adults be adults are the ones who spend the most time as welcome guests in their grown children’s homes.

Your son might already have made the mistake of mentioning your concerns to his fiancee. I suggest you rectify (or pre-empt) this by telling your son you’re sorry you brought it up at all because it’s such a minor thing.

To Anonymous: Oh God, please leave the bride alone about colors. Clearly she likes them. You don’t — but who cares? It’s not your wedding. And I’m sure she’s already got 100 people telling her what she’s doing wrong.

Do you really want to start off this relationship — ideally a long one — as the mother-in-law who badgered her about colors?

ANONYMOUS 2

Email tellme@washpost.com. Chat online at 10 a.m. Fridays at www.washingtonpost.com.