Dear Amy: Please encourage people who have been abused in childhood to confront their abusers in life and not wait until they are dead to “share” their accusations with family members.

I was devastated when a cousin informed me — at my husband’s funeral — that he was a victim of sexual abuse by my husband when they were both young.

I have no idea if the abuse really happened and I have no way to find out. What is worse is that my husband is no longer alive to defend himself.

The pain this has caused is tremendous and I fail to see how anyone benefited from the disclosure. The cousin kept silent for a lifetime.

Why did he have to share this with me on the worst day of my life and then be surprised when I got upset? If you can’t find the courage to confront your abusers, don’t settle for sucker punching those who loved them.

GRIEVING WIDOW

Dear Grieving: I am so sorry for your loss and the additional pain this accusation has caused you.

I agree with you that this disclosure was horribly and insensitively timed and hope you can learn the truth to resolve any unanswered questions. You and the person who made the allegation both need to heal.

Dear Amy: A few years ago, I started dating a man a couple of years older than I am and we ultimately became a couple.

I find that I have to admonish him for things that he should know already. He has tried washing the dishes after I’ve cooked, only for me to have to rewash everything. After he goes to the bathroom, my floor is wet around the toilet. I’ve had to teach him to cook, properly make a bed, etc.

I’ve found that when I have to “teach” him (or get on his case for something he has done wrong) I lose some of my attraction to him, feeling more like his mother than his girlfriend. Any advice?

RELUCTANT TEACHER

Dear Teacher: If you lose your attraction to this man because you are always having to “teach” him things, imagine how he feels, knowing that everything he does requires correction?

Release him and find a partner who has already mastered the life skills you require.

askamy@tribune.com