Adapted from a recent online discussion.
Carolyn: I love my job. Its the closest thing I can imagine to a dream job, in a highly selective industry where positions exist in only a few cities. My husband does not particularly love his job, although it pays well, has a great mission and involves nice co-workers. He just feels hes outgrown it.
I support this in theory, but whenever he forwards me listings for new positions, they almost always involve huge pay cuts and locations where I have no hope of finding work in my field. He doesnt seem particularly excited about these potential positions, other than that they represent something different.
Recently he told me hes frustrated because he feels like his career has taken a backseat to mine. I told him I didnt want him to feel resentful, but that if I were going to uproot my dream, then Id want it to be because we were heading toward his dream; a job he was passionate about, not just something he would do for a change of pace.
Was that unfair? There are many organizations in our city that cater to his qualifications and I would fully support his making less money if we could remain in this area.
LOVE MY JOB AND MY HUSBAND
That sounds so fair that I wonder what hes thinking. Youve told him clearly (right?) that you dont want to give up your bliss for his what-if so ask him what he believes is and isnt fair for you to give up, and for what reason.
To: Love My Job: Hey, how about your husband quits and starts his own business? Consults? Teaches at a local college or elsewhere, contracts for companies, finds people he thinks have great jobs and shadows them, offers them services for free for some training or research into a totally new career ? There are a zillion things he could do a possibility?
Cant see why not though if hes set on scratching the Im-bored-and-I-want-to-start-over-somewhere-else itch, she can expect him to rule out any suggestion that doesnt involve uprooting. One advantage in that case, though, is that shell know where he really stands.
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