Adapted from a recent online discussion.
Carolyn: I love my job. It’s the closest thing I can imagine to a dream job, in a highly selective industry where positions exist in only a few cities. My husband does not particularly love his job, although it pays well, has a great mission and involves nice co-workers. He just feels he’s outgrown it.
I support this in theory, but whenever he forwards me listings for new positions, they almost always involve huge pay cuts and locations where I have no hope of finding work in my field. He doesn’t seem particularly excited about these potential positions, other than that they represent something different.
Recently he told me he’s frustrated because he feels like his career has taken a backseat to mine. I told him I didn’t want him to feel resentful, but that if I were going to uproot my dream, then I’d want it to be because we were heading toward his dream; a job he was passionate about, not just something he would do for a change of pace.
Was that unfair? There are many organizations in our city that cater to his qualifications and I would fully support his making less money if we could remain in this area.
LOVE MY JOB AND MY HUSBAND
That sounds so fair that I wonder what he’s thinking. You’ve told him clearly (right?) that you don’t want to give up your bliss for his what-if — so ask him what he believes is and isn’t fair for you to give up, and for what reason.
To: Love My Job: Hey, how about your husband quits and starts his own business? Consults? Teaches at a local college or elsewhere, contracts for companies, finds people he thinks have great jobs and “shadows” them, offers them services for free for some training or research into a totally new career ? There are a zillion things he could do — a possibility?
ANONYMOUS
Can’t see why not — though if he’s set on scratching the I’m-bored-and-I-want-to-start-over-somewhere-else itch, she can expect him to rule out any suggestion that doesn’t involve uprooting. One advantage in that case, though, is that she’ll know where he really stands.
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