Carolyn: My friend has children. I dont. Whenever I mention having done something that costs even a medium amount of money, like splurging on a piece of jewelry, her martyr complex comes out: Youre so lucky you get to do things like that!
Maybe Im projecting but this really irritates me (it happens with other mommy friends, too). Do you think these comments are intended as digs, or are they innocent insights into how moms of small kids actually feel? Do they think I would rather have disposable income than a family?
No doubt some people take the Must be nice having (something I dont) tone of snarktastic self-validation but what you describe sounds more like reflexive fatigue from people who rarely sleep.
Try replacing the kids/no kids topic with one that isnt your hot button imagine working two jobs to cover your student loans, say, when your friend says, Were spending Christmas in St. Barts. You just might blurt, Youre so lucky you get to do things like that!
It wouldnt be your proudest moment, but your lament also would be more insight-into-true-feelings than dig, right?
So respond to your mom friends accordingly. Cliches are your friend in (only) these instances Grass is always greener, eh? as is life-affirmation: Thanks, I do feel lucky. When youre inclined to make a point, theres always, but its never as easy as that.
By the way some people do choose disposable income over kids. No shame there.
Carolyn: What do you say to somebody who has several I will never things, is openly snarky and condescending to those who do those things and then later does those same things? Then gets angry when questioned about the change of heart, and says they never thought that, or if they did they werent THAT mean about it? And is your parent?
I know it will never change. Is there any way other than, Yeah, OK, whatever, to respond to either end of the cycle?
OH YOU WONT, WILL YOU?
You can relish each comeuppance, inside.
You can also greet the cycles beginning with a mild, Perhaps you shouldnt box yourself in, and end it end with, . Youll both know what goes there, so no need to keep score out loud.
Carolyn: I stay at home with our 1-year-old twins. When they sleep, I work on an online class for my masters degree. When theyre awake, well, they need supervision.
Its a nice enough life for me, but I also kind of sympathize with far-off friends and family who want to know what Im doing BESIDES watching the babies not much. When I do get down time, I just want to take a nap! How can I be less boring? Any magic perspective?
Sorry. My magic perspective suggests you strike be entertaining from your to-do list.
This is not to be mistaken for license to bore, obviously; unless you have a talent for mining humor out of tedious things, monologuing about babies is cruel and unusual punishment of those whose only crime was to care about you. But you can respond to peoples polite queries with, What can I say I watch babies, study and sleep.
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