Dear Amy: My boyfriend and I are in our mid-50s. We have been living together for seven years.
Two weeks ago he was still logged on to our computer when I went to use it. I looked at his email. He had around 40 emails from Match.com. When confronted, he said it was spam and he didnt open any. It had account information that obviously belonged to him.
After about a week, I decided to let it go. He has never given me cause to think he was cheating. Last week I noticed his emails were deleted, but his browsing history showed he had opened them all and looked at pictures. I left for three days.
I love him very much, but I feel as if hes cheating. I dont know what to do.
Dear Unsure: Its (remotely) possible that your guy is receiving emails from a previous account or subscription to Match.com. However, you say youve been together for seven years. That information strains this theory because even the most aggressive and sticky membership wouldnt stay active over the course of several years unless someone encouraged it along by either paying the monthly fee or maintaining an active unpaid subscription.
At the least, your guy is looking. So far his behavior shows that he is trying to avoid talking about this while simultaneously covering his tracks and hoping not to get caught. Well, hes been caught. Now you two need to communicate about it. You should try to get to the truth here because the nuances of this might make a difference in your decision about this relationship.
If you would be open to the idea of your guy even passively looking at women who contact him through this dating site, then youll need to tell him so. If you cant tolerate this, hell have a choice to make between Match.com and you.
Dear Amy: I am a mother of three boys, ages 5, 3 and 6 months. We recently moved into a new neighborhood. There is a 5-year-old boy, Peter, who lives a couple of doors down. As time has gone on, we see behaviors in Peter that make us want to limit our son Randys time with him. Peter is aggressive and bullies both of our sons while at our house.
We also discovered that while Randy was playing at Peters house, his mother was sleeping and their 8-year-old daughter was left in charge. We witnessed Peter running around the neighborhood tearing down other peoples Halloween decorations. Almost every time my son plays with Peter, he comes home with his feelings hurt.
Peters parents seem like nice people. They want the two boys to be buddies. We are increasingly uncomfortable with this. We know that Peters behavior will affect our sons behavior. How do we handle this? My husband thinks we should not allow them to play together.
I know that by rejecting their son, we will cause hurt feelings in our neighbors. What do you think?
Dear Concerned: Both these boys are very young and can change in many ways. Because of their history (so far), you should not send your son to Peters house, but should invite him over if you and your son want to.
Supervise both boys very closely. Intervene if Peter is destructive or bullying, but give your son opportunities to come up with his own strategies not to be dominated.
Youll have to be honest with these neighbors by saying, Peter and Randy dont always play well together so were going to take this very slowly to see how it goes. If it doesnt go well for your family, then it doesnt really matter what these other parents want.
Dear Amy: Allergic Fiancee was worried about her future mother-in-laws refusal to acknowledge her extreme allergic reaction to nuts. Maybe a note from her doctor certifying that this is a serious issue would help.
Dear Also: This person shouldnt need permission or proof from her doctor to be believed. If her future mother-in-law has lots of questions about the validity of severe allergies, she could see her own doctor.