Adapted from a recent online discussion.
Carolyn: I rarely get a phone call from my mother maybe once every several months and never get an email. Im lucky if she likes a Facebook post or sends a text.
She divorced my father a few years ago and is trying to have a second adolescence (ditching family for parties, talking of little besides partying and drinking, texting while driving with my children in the car, etc.).
Yes, I realize this is deeper than a tendency to text, but I cant even make the first steps toward repairing our relationship. What do you think?
You say: I cant even make the first steps toward repairing our relationship if all I get is a like once in a while.
I say: You cant even make the first steps toward repairing your relationship if your mom wont admit and seek treatment for her drinking problem and the emotional problems underlying it. Im sorry.
Carolyn: I know theres a ton of baggage my mother is carrying and I dont understand all if it. But I want to have a relationship. I just dont know how to go about it. She wont seek treatment.
I dont question your motives. But you need to be realistic about how much of that repair job is really under your control. Al-Anon might be a good next stop for you. Also, dont let Mom drive your kids anymore.
Carolyn: Ive always known my mom has a drinking problem. She has issues due to a trauma years ago that I dont know the specifics of. I havent let her drive my kids since the texting incident.
I dont want her to be a cookie-baking grandma, but when she chooses pub crawls over a visit to us, I get sad.
Youre welcome, and, again, Im sorry. For more information, try the U.S. governments substance abuse referral and information line, 1-800-662-HELP (4357).
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