Adapted from a recent online discussion.

Carolyn: I rarely get a phone call from my mother — maybe once every several months — and never get an email. I’m lucky if she “likes” a Facebook post or sends a text.

She divorced my father a few years ago and is trying to have a second adolescence (ditching family for parties, talking of little besides partying and drinking, texting while driving with my children in the car, etc.).

Yes, I realize this is deeper than a tendency to text, but I can’t even make the first steps toward repairing our relationship. What do you think?

ANONYMOUS

You say: “I can’t even make the first steps toward repairing our relationship if all I get is a ‘like’ once in a while.”

I say: You can’t even make the first steps toward repairing your relationship if your mom won’t admit and seek treatment for her drinking problem and the emotional problems underlying it. I’m sorry.

Carolyn: I know there’s a ton of baggage my mother is carrying and I don’t understand all if it. But I want to have a relationship. I just don’t know how to go about it. She won’t seek treatment.

ANONYMOUS AGAIN

I don’t question your motives. But you need to be realistic about how much of that repair job is really under your control. Al-Anon might be a good next stop for you. Also, don’t let Mom drive your kids anymore.

Carolyn: I’ve always known my mom has a drinking problem. She has issues due to a trauma years ago that I don’t know the specifics of. I haven’t let her drive my kids since the texting incident.

I don’t want her to be a cookie-baking grandma, but when she chooses pub crawls over a visit to us, I get sad.

ANONYMOUS AGAIN

You’re welcome, and, again, I’m sorry. For more information, try the U.S. government’s substance abuse referral and information line, 1-800-662-HELP (4357).

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