Carolyn: My wife and I have a son who is almost 8. He is sooo fun to be with — a happy kid who loves mud holes, being barefoot, playing drums wildly and goofing around with his friends (and he has gobs of them). He’s always up for an adventure with us, his friends, or by himself. This kid has gusto.
My question is this: He doesn’t want to be in sports, or any kind of lessons, or theater — nothing! He just wants to go at life freestyle. Are we (stinky) parents for not enrolling him in, like, anything extracurricular? We offer, but should we be pushing him to do more organized stuff? All of his friends are also involved in these kinds of things, so it feels weird to be the only family not doing it, too.
L.
I just felt several generations of former kids slap their foreheads.
What you just described is an idyllic childhood. I realize it’s nearly impossible not to peer over at how other families raise their kids. But the ones worth our voyeuristic admiration are the ones doing what their kids need — not the ones doing what societies or other parents or D-1 recruiters value.
Carolyn: I’m blessed with 10 grandchildren, each of whom I take clothes-shopping once or twice a year, which I enjoy, especially as money is tight in a few of their homes. My problem is that the eldest has developed expensive tastes. When I steer her toward the discount stores where I ordinarily shop, she expresses disdain, makes excuses such as, “They never have my size,” and heads for Nordstrom.
While I’ve ceased to enjoy taking her shopping, how would it look if I simply didn’t take her, yet continued taking her cousins? I don’t want to be “that grandparent” who plays favorites.
SHOPPING GRANDMA
I’m more worried about “that grandparent” who won’t use her standing to gently rein in a brat.
“My budget is the same no matter where we shop, so if you want retail quality you get retail quantity, too. Your decision.” Or, “I sense you don’t appreciate these shopping trips anymore, so shall we skip it? I’ll understand. Maybe dinner instead?”
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