Adapted from a recent online discussion.
Carolyn: As someone who’s been there, done that, when do you think that being a parent gets a little easier? We have a wonderful 15-month-old and he is the light of our lives, but those lives are harried, missing sleep and grown-up time, and filled with attempts to balance parenting and life.
We would in theory like to have another baby, but sometimes it’s so hard to see how we could “handle it.” But I know we’ll regret not doing it. We’re trying to outsource things, and maximize flexibility for work, etc., but could just use some wisdom. Any advice?
TIRED
I never do this, but I’m going to do this: 5. That’s the age when your ball of need stops being a toddler and starts being a kid — someone who can actually help out a little bit, listen more reliably, amuse you more regularly, and just fry your brain less.
It’s OK for your next baby to remain a theory till then, or till some earlier time if you feel ready, or indefinitely, or even permanently.
Re: Tired: Five? Really? No way. I think kids peak in being a pain at about 18 months — they are fast, they don’t listen at all, they can’t do anything for themselves. My kids are 3, 5 and 7, and I think two years is about the right spacing. Your lives are already ruined, you can’t do anything (as Tired has noticed). If you wait longer, you start to get some semblance of a life back and then it is frustrating to lose it again.
If Tired gets pregnant now, they’ll be coming out of the darkness when No. 2 comes along. My husband travels a lot, and I stopped crying every time he left when the youngest was about 21 months.
ANONYMOUS
Many other readers concur that 2 is much better than 18 months, which it is. You also make an excellent point about adding the next kid while you’re already up to your neck in it with the first kid, in the interest of getting out of this stage in one extended blast — but that’s only when the parents feel they’re up to it, and/or when it’s more important to have another child than it is to restore harmony.
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