Dear Amy: My husband and I are in our mid-20s and are very successful professionals. Weve enjoyed a happy marriage for the last three years, but we have spent much of that time apart due to my husbands hectic travel with his job. In addition, at just 25, I am burned out with my own career and desperately want to do something different.
We have saved a large sum of money and want to take a year off to travel together and do some volunteering. We love to travel and would like to spend some uninterrupted time together. We will announce our plans to our families over the holidays and leave for our trip next summer.
I know my parents are going to hate this idea, and Im worried they will cut me out of their lives. My parents believe we should continue with our draining (yet well-paying) jobs and have children soon. I desperately want to live my life to the fullest. I feel that I need a break and some perspective before moving forward with the next chapter of my life.
How can I convince my parents to be at peace with our decision?
WANDERLUST
Dear Wanderlust: Adulthood is awesome. You dont have to worry about making your curfew, you can eat smores for dinner, and you dont have to convince your mom and dad that you know what youre doing, unless youre asking them for money, which, of course, you are not.
I think your idea sounds great, though I do wonder about your being so burned out at the ripe old age of 25. However, you dont have to be burned out or fed up to come up with a new plan for the next year or so of your life. All you need is a workable scheme, the funds to pay for it and the enthusiasm and idealism to carry it out.
Enter this conversation realizing that it will be tough for your folks to climb on board the Awesome Express. You can respectfully say to them, I know you love and care about me, but this feels right. I hope youll come to respect our choice, even if you dont agree with it.
Dear Amy: I am a 65-year-old widower. My girlfriend cannot stand the fact that I help my family and friends with little services and money. She thinks they are taking advantage of me, but my late wife and I have always been very generous helping friends and family.
My girlfriend gets so angry about these moochers that it is affecting our relationship. She says she cannot see our relationship continuing under these circumstances and that she will eventually leave me.
I want to save this relationship but find her demands unreasonable since all of the expenses are from my estate. I have suggested counseling, and she has agreed.
What are your suggestions?
OVERGENEROUS
Dear Overgenerous: Counseling is a great idea. Your girlfriend cannot enter your life and demand that you must change the way you conduct it. On the other hand, if you are actually surrounded by moochers, having this persons perspective might help you to see a dynamic that is not healthy for you. If you have friends and family members who mooch off you when they could or should provide for themselves, then your support and cash infusions will create a dependency.
The fact that you and your late wife conducted yourselves a certain way doesnt mean that you should be locked in to behaving this way forever. Dont let your girlfriends ultimatums control you, but be open to her point of view.
If you conclude that you dont want to change, then bid her goodbye.
Dear Amy: This is a tip for Rachel, who is bothered by a malodorous man at the gym. I, too, have a sensitive nose.
I have found it helpful to put a dab of lavender oil under my nose. What you then smell is the lavender, which masks other smells and is calming, too.
A SENSITIVE SNIFFER
Dear Sensitive: Great suggestion. Thank you.
askamy@tribune.com


Pet of the week
Zions Bank now accepting Smart Women Grant applications

