Adapted from a recent online discussion.

Carolyn: I feel like I’m a working mom stuck inside a stay-at-home mom’s body. This is a new and strange lifestyle that’s just not clicking with me yet, and I worry it never will. All the “mommy friends” I’ve made are educated, driven career women like I … was. They work during the day, and I’m left at home with my little one. How do I adjust to this new lifestyle?

TRAPPED NEW MOM

Plenty of educated, driven career people take time away from careers to be home with their kids, so you haven’t fallen out of some exclusive club or become a different person.

You might, though, be asking too much of stay-at-home parenthood. If you expect it to be just you and Baby and gingerbread then you’re putting yourself on a path to lose your mind.

I don’t think it’s natural for parents to be holed up alone with their kids. There has generally always been a communal element to raising kids.

So try applying some of your workplace skills to your new lifestyle: How best to get this job done well, within your budget, taking your new reality into account, and without isolating yourself? Think goals, not traps.

Carolyn: I work, and my child’s in day care a couple of days a week, but I rarely see other parents at pick-up/drop-off. I’ve tried meeting other moms through neighborhood Listservs, but not much has come of it; and frankly, a lot of moms I meet stay at home and aren’t really interested in socializing with working moms because of scheduling. What other things should I try to make mom-friends?

ANONYMOUS

While it might be worth it for your own reasons to keep making an effort to meet other parents, it’s also OK to be patient. For a lot of parents, the real chances to circulate don’t come until their kids are in school. Day care is such a drop-and-go environment, whereas schools (in my experience) foster communities — as do the waiting areas for music lessons, dance classes, sports practices, and whatever else you wait around for your a-little-bit-older child to pursue.

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