CHARLOTTE, N.C. — Now the eyeballs of the nation turn toward this vibrant, proud, ambitious city in North or possibly South Carolina as the Democrats gather here to present their message of hope for America, namely that the Republicans are fascist, racist women-hating scum.
Downtown Charlotte boasts a huge sand sculpture of President Obama. It bears an uncanny resemblance to what the president would look like if he were made out of sand sculpted by somebody who had never actually seen him. The sculpture weighs more than 15 tons and cost $30,000, which was paid by the visitors bureau of Myrtle Beach, S.C., as a way of sending the message: “We have a great deal of sand.”
It is only fitting that this sculpture has been erected here. Its looming presence serves as a reminder that no matter how many politicians take the stage, this convention is really about just one person — a person whose name will be evoked countless times over the next few days; a person who, whether you love him or hate him, has come to dominate the political discussion in this nation as few others ever have.
I refer, of course, to Clint Eastwood.
I have been observing political conventions since the ’60s and I have never seen a speaker captivate the nation the way Clint did in Tampa. It was mesmerizing to watch: Clint would stare into the lights and launch into a sentence, and as he spoke, you could almost hear his brain shouting “Mayday! Mayday!” as it became increasingly clear that he had no earthly idea how that particular sentence was going to end. Plus, while conducting a pretend dialog with a chair, he made TWO references to an anatomically impossible reproductive act.
When I left Tampa and returned to the normal human world, Clint’s speech was pretty much the only thing anybody wanted to talk to me about. If the Democrats want to really boost TV ratings for this convention, they should have Clint speak here, too. Unfortunately, it appears that the best hope for entertainment is going to be Vice President Joe Biden, who is scheduled to deliver his remarks during the coveted 4:37 a.m. Friday slot.
But the most anticipated speech here will be delivered Thursday night by President Obama, who will be making the case that he deserves a second term in office, based on his solid record of taking on some of the most difficult problems this nation has ever faced and blaming all of them, including sunspot activity, on the previous administration. The president will also speak about his plan for improving the economy, which continues to be a pesky problem despite the many hard-hitting speeches he has made about it.
Dave Barry writes for the Miami Herald
