Adapted from a recent online discussion.
Carolyn: A person whom Ive known a long time, and with whom I used to be close, doesnt get that I dont want to rekindle our friendship. I have ignored some contact, delayed in responding, answered that I was busy to multiple invitations. Is there more I can do? Ive been pinned down with the Have I done something wrong? inquiry, to which I didnt know how to respond (since the answer is No, Im just not feeling it anymore).
LETS (NOT) BE FRIENDS
When pinned down, you need to tell the truth. No, you havent done anything wrong, but I feel as if weve grown apart. Im sorry.
Re: (Not) Friends: Im facing something similar with someone I thought was a close friend. I havent seen her in two and a half years despite repeated attempts to do so. Every invite was met with an Im busy with X type of excuse.
Earlier this year, she was in town, but I ignored her because Im done.
Last month, she wrote me out of the blue to tell me that all those excuses were true but now she realizes that prioritizing other things has cost her a lot of friendships.
She said she missed me and understood if I never wanted to talk to her again. Id love to be friends with her, but I know telling her about all the drama and awful things that have happened is only going to make her feel worse about her absenteeism. I just feel like its not worth it, and I should keep her in the dark and let things go. She wasnt there for me when I needed her most a friendship-ender I guess.
So, which is it youre dumping her so she wont feel bad about her absenteeism, or because she wasnt there for you?
Normally Id advise that you take her apology as sincere, forgive her and enjoy renewing a friendship that youve missed. However, I can use pieces of your letter to support a conclusion that you want to protect her, punish her, write her off and welcome her back. I dont think even you know what you think.
So, figure out how you feel, what you want out of this whole transaction, and then act on it.
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