Dear Amy: I just had to respond to the letter from “Loving Husband,” who was complaining about sexless marriages.

I can only speak for myself, but he answered his own question when he said some wives among his long-married circle of friends have written off sex as “painful, etc.” He (and you) suggested that wives might just “fake it” every two weeks or so for their sakes. I guess he thought the idea that this is painful was just an excuse.

After I turned 40 and especially after a hysterectomy, I began to lose feeling and eventually sex became painful.

My doctor took me off of hormone treatments and we tried other remedies. They were expensive and didn’t help. I had been “faking it” for years for my husband’s sake and would continue if it didn’t feel as if I were being ripped apart.

Every time I see a Viagra ad, I wonder why somebody can’t do something to help us women.

In the meantime, I suggest you husbands have a root canal every two weeks and pretend you’re enjoying it. You’ll get the picture.

ALSO MARRIED 40 YEARS

Dear Also Married: I have received hundreds of responses to this letter from women — many criticizing my response, where I suggested that “faking it until you make it” can be a way to restore a sexual connection.

Obviously, this would only work if the problem weren’t physical. And it would only work when both parties were motivated to try to change their situation.

I assume that the physical changes we know as menopause evolved over millennia to remove women from the sexual equation and that we women are more or less designed to fade away after our childbearing years are over.

Modern life has overtaken our reproductive biology, and Viagra mitigates some sexual dysfunction for men.

If men spent five to 10 years experiencing the more extreme symptoms of menopause the way many women do, they might not blithely criticize their wives because they’re no longer “interested.”

This is an extremely complex issue, but I appreciate the discussion.

askamy@tribune.com